Poster Child
by HotchnerJareau
Summary: A busy Monday morning turns into a lifetime of hope and prayer when Jennifer and Aaron learn of their daughter's abduction. A child so happy and free couldn't possibly be known as the next 'poster child'...could she?
1. Chapter 1

**HELLO! I am back! I am so sorry for not updating, I feel like it's been forever. I read some reviews and I have _decided to continue one of my other stories, '590 DAYS'_ , which a TON of people seem to enjoy. Thank you for all the support with that! I have also been learning new writing techniques and I have started liking my writing more, therefore I have _started writing a new story, 'POSTER CHILD'_. **

**This is the first chapter of POSTER CHILD, so I would appreciate any reviews you may leave. I hope you like it!**

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"If you'd just tell me, I wouldn't have to waste my energy asking you!" JJ said as she held the phone to her ear with her shoulder. She was putting coats on her little kids, her triplet 4 year olds. She finished putting Grace's coat on and then she twirled her around and made sure her reddish-blonde hair wasn't tucked in the back of it. She put on Benjamin's coat after that, and then Tyler's. "Seriously, Emily, please tell me!"

"I'm off to work," Aaron Hotchner said, leaning over to kiss his wife on the cheek. "I'll call you tonight, when the plane lands." He walked over to the door in his proper suit and all and got his long coat on and grabbed his leather briefcase, his new one, in case you wanted to know. He kissed all the kids and went out the door, making sure to wave to JJ. She was really big on waves. You'd wave to her and if she really liked you, she'd wave back and smile and you could tell something was going on inside her heart. It was probably pounding against her chest or something ultra romantic like that.

"Em, listen, it's eight in the morning here," JJ said as she put her own coat on. She always had nice coats, even though they weren't that special. "Can I call you in an hour?" Her friend said yes and she hung up. She grabbed her keys and made sure all of the children had their backpacks on their backs. "Is everyone ready to go?" She asked. The children nodded and everyone went out to the car. JJ locked up and walked out to the driveway, where her car sat. She stopped parking it in the garage after Tyler dented it with his soccer ball. And SUV's are great and all, but still, he damaged it. Like, you don't just get to do it again. And even if it wasn't noticeable the first time, that doesn't mean it won't be the second time.

"Is this the time you usually leave to drop Grace off?" Jackson asked, clipping his seat belt. He was wearing some form of a track suit. Not like a coach would wear, but he had on these training pants and a soccer sweater from a tournament he'd played in a few years ago. In fact, he scored the winning goal. His whole team was so proud of him and JJ and Hotch jumped up and yelled and screamed in excitement. It was really something to see.

"No, I'm leaving earlier than usual, because I have you guys in the car. If you'd have taken the bus, you would have left around now, as well."

JJ didn't drive the kids to school that often, but she drove Grace because she wasn't completely sure about her taking a half hour bus ride. Jack had a fifteen minute bus ride, and Henry, Tyler and Benjamin had a twenty minute bus ride. It was also one of JJ's 'not on call' days, so she wouldn't be getting called in at a random time. It was inconvenient, really.

"What are we doing after school?" Henry asked as he watched the buildings and trees pass outside the window. "Can we go out for dinner?" JJ looked in the rear view mirror and smiled at Henry.

"I'm not sure, Bud," she said, returning her attention to the front. "Grace has an appointment with her audiologist at four o'clock."

"What's an audio...audio...whatever it is?" Benjamin asked, signing so that Grace could understand.

"An audiologist?" JJ clarified. "It's a doctor that deals with hearing and ears. That's where Grace is going today." Benjamin signed to Grace, 'today', and she shrugged.

"What's the sign for...audiologist?" Ben asked.

"Make an 'A' sign and circle your ear with it," JJ said as she turned a corner. "And then make the sign for teacher." Ben did what his mother told him and Grace understood. She nodded and sighed.

[Hearing aids?]

[I don't know.] Ben signed. "Mommy, is Grace getting hearing aids?"

"That's what we're going to talk about today," JJ answered, pulling up to a red traffic light.

"What do you think about hearing aids?" Jack asked, keeping his focus out the window. He could see the familiar trees and houses that were close to his middle school. JJ sighed.

"I don't really know," she said. "I like what they do, but they will not help Grace because she is almost one hundred percent deaf in both ears. Your father thinks we should try it, but I just don't get why she should be 'fixed'...she's not broken or anything." The car went silent for a few moments until they pulled up to Jack's school.

"I usually go here, can you stop here?" Jack asked, grabbing his bag. JJ stopped the car and let Jack out. "Bye!" He said to everyone. [Bye,] he signed to Grace with a smile. JJ left Jack's school and began driving to Henry, Benjamin and Tyler's elementary school.

[I don't like hearing aids,] Grace signed, [I don't want them.]

"Mommy, Grace doesn't like—ow!" Ben said, holding his arm. Grace's eyes were wide as she moved her hand away from hitting him.

[Are you telling mommy?] Grace asked, frowning. [No.]

[Why not?]

[Because I said so.]

"Ben and Grace? Are you two okay back there?" JJ asked. "What's going on?" Benjamin looked from Grace to his mother and sighed.

"Grace said she doesn't want hearing aids." Grace didn't notice what he had said as she was too focused on the outside world.

"She doesn't want them either, hey?" JJ asked. "That's okay, I wouldn't put someone on a bicycle if they could run just as fast." Benjamin signed what their mother had said to Grace and she nodded.

The elementary school that Henry, Ben and Tyler went to wasn't far from Jack's middle school. It was a few blocks over, a good 5 minute drive away. After JJ gave her opinion on hearing aids, nobody made much conversation. The only communication made was Benjamin trying to interpret for Grace and JJ. Tyler and Henry were often consumed by books or the outside to talk.

"Do you guys want to go out for dinner tonight?" JJ asked, keeping her focus on the road. She occasionally looked in the rear view mirror. "We could go after Grace's appointment."

"Where would we go?" Benjamin asked.

"When? During Grace's appointment?" JJ asked, looking in the rear view mirror. Ben nodded. "You're coming in. It's the only thing I can do. Your father's at work." A collection of groans and sighs filled the vehicle.

"Then where are we going for dinner?" Henry asked. JJ sighed.

"I don't know, where do you guys want to go?"

"We could go to that pasta place," Henry offered.

"I want burgers," Benjamin said.

"Me, too!" Tyler chimed in. "I want burgers and fries and chicken nuggets."

"Okay, and where do you want to go, Grace?" JJ asked.

[Where do you want to go for dinner?] Benjamin signed. Grace shrugged.

[Peaches,] she signed.

"She wants peaches," Benjamin said.

"Grace always says that," JJ said annoyedly as she pulled up to the elementary school. Since Ben and Tyler were so little, JJ had to walk them in to their kindergarten class. If they had taken the bus, teachers would have done that job. [Wait a minute,] she signed to Grace before she closed the SUV's door. She walked the boys up to the door and stopped to talk to their teacher for a moment, who asked about Grace and the older boys. The teachers at this school knew Grace and were always concerned about her. They'd ask how she was and all, and if she'd grown and stuff. JJ used to hate leaving her in the car because of all the stuff she'd seen at work and all, but now she would leave her for a minute or two while she dropped the boys off. JJ got out of the conversation she was having with the teacher and she kissed the boys goodbye. Henry liked kissing JJ in the car before going to the playground. He was better than Jack, though. Sometimes, Jack forgot to kiss his mother before meeting his friends. People change quite quickly, though. They do that sometimes.

[Are you okay?] JJ asked from the front seat. She started the car and pulled out of her parking space. She really wished she could communicate with Grace while driving. It was often that one of the boys played interpreter and relayed information back and forth. Benjamin didn't mind doing it, but if you asked any of the other boys, they'd give you a no. It was quite sad, actually, how little interest they displayed in learning ASL. It was almost like they didn't care about communicating with their sister. If anything, Grace was upset by the fact that nobody seemed to want to talk to her. The worst feeling is the feeling that you're not wanted, and if there's anyone who felt exactly that, it was Grace Hotchner.

[Tired,] Grace signed, resting her head on the window. JJ pulled up to a red light and turned back to her daughter.

[You might be low,] she told her. [Are you hungry?]

[No.]

[I'll test you when we get to your school,] JJ signed, going at the green light. The car was silent and both people had refrained from signing to each other. Grace, however, signed objects she would see as they passed. She'd sign 'tree' if she saw a tree and 'park' if they passed a park. It used to be enforced on her and the boys as a way to get them signing often and it worked because everyone knew transportation and nature signs. Grace would tap on one of her brothers and point to a tree and sign it and they would learn from her. But lately, they hadn't been repeating after her. They sort of ignored her and didn't pay much attention to her sign. So, she got used to signing alone.

[Tree, house, car, tree, tree, park, tree, car, tree, house.]

JJ enjoyed the silence as much as most people would. She used it to think about her day and the abundance of tasks that were waiting for her at home. She sometimes played music, but she felt it was rude after a little while because Grace would sign to her and she wouldn't know about it. Now, she used this time to concentrate on what was going on in her life. She had a greater appreciation for silence now that she had a daughter who was deaf. Though, she'd never know exactly how it felt, she tried covering her ears every so often to get a feel as to what was going on in her world. She'd take her hands away from her ears when she would hear the muffled calling of one of her boys. As much as it would be nice to hear nothing at all, JJ thought, it must be a pain in the ass to know you're missing out on something as simple as the voices of people, the tweeting of birds, the engines of cars, the buzzing of bees...you get it. She tried hard to stop feeling sorry for her daughter, she really did. She'd have all this sympathy for her, which was okay, but acting as though Grace had the hardest life in the world was really starting to piss her off. Like, there were children literally STARVING out there, and here she was, feeling sorry for her daughter who couldn't hear. And it wasn't even just that. It was her diabetes, as well. She felt bad for her all the bloody time. She'd stick a needle in Grace's little thigh at lunch when she needed insulin and she would get this pang of sympathy in her heart. She wished somebody would just smack her cheek and tell her to get the hell over it already, except nobody had the heart to tell a poor, overworked mother that she couldn't feel bad for her sweet, innocent, suffering child. It was so stupid, it really was. Everybody was so sentimental and wanted to feel sorry for their entitled children. If only they'd get the newsflash that their child wasn't the most unfortunate in the world.

"Grace—dammit," she said. She seriously forgot. You know those moments in the movies when a person would forget their loved one was dead and they'd strike up a conversation with them and realise they were gone? JJ had one of those every so often with Grace, except Grace wasn't dead. Grace was just deaf. Sometimes, JJ would call Grace for 2 solid minutes and get angry when she didn't respond, only to remember that she couldn't bloody hear her. She'd told Penelope Garcia this, and she felt sorry and all for her. JJ didn't feel sorry. She did with Rosaline, being dead and all, but with people who weren't dead— Grace — she wanted to slap herself for being so dumb. She just felt selfish, like, not everyone can talk, you know. [Grace,] JJ then signed above her head.

Doing this caused her to take her hands off the wheel for a good five seconds. Luckily, she was at a traffic light, one of the many sets of traffic lights you'd encounter as you reached Downtown Washington, DC. It wouldn't be too long before you'd see all the signs for Gallaudet. When the signs started coming up, Grace would sign 'Gallaudet' and all her friends names and stuff. Grace went to the elementary school beside the university. Kendall Demonstration Elementary School was what it was called, and it was really good. It was around a half hour away from where they lived, but it wasn't that bad. Finding a school that would accommodate Grace was really important. [Grace, do you want some water?]

[Tired,] she signed for what seemed to be the one hundredth time that morning. JJ rolled her eyes. Grace only ever signed one or two words to you, and usually, they had absolutely nothing to do what you'd signed to her in the first place. It wasn't like she was 'too young to understand' or anything, either. Her brothers who, keep in mind, were born just minutes before her, were speaking in almost fully complete sentences by three. Now at age four, they should be expanding that, except Grace wasn't. She was so far behind them in many ways and it bugged her parents a lot. Her father thought this was because they hadn't gotten her a cochlear implant when she was born, but JJ thought it was because she couldn't hear and therefore couldn't naturally pick up speech the way hearing children do. She had a point, though. Many people don't understand that deaf children lack some of the communication skills hearing children have. Most children learn their first words by hearing them and repeating them. When you can't hear, what the hell are you supposed to learn? So, Grace's first word happened to be 'peaches' because she really didn't want to be there, so in order for the sign teacher to get her engaged, she asked Grace to point to her favourite thing on the page her father had created. It was peaches, so that's's the word she learnt first. It wasn't a surprise, really, so don't be shocked or anything when you learn her second word was 'tired'. The lady had asked her how she felt, and lo and behold, her second word happened.

[Here,] JJ signed after she stopped the engine. They'd ridden for around five minutes in silence after Grace explained how tired she was for the six hundredth time.

[Tired.]

[Get your school bag,] JJ signed, grabbing her keys from the car. She closed the driver's side door and opened the back. Grace had grabbed her bag and put it on her lap, except it was now blocking the seatbelt JJ had yet to unbuckle. The triplets, being four, were still in car seats, making everything that much harder. It didn't really take that long for Jennifer to unbuckle her daughter's seatbelt. She helped her out of the car and walked her towards the school. Grace seemed to be mumbling something, but then again, she was always mumbling something. Her little feet sported Toms in a lovely navy colour and she walked with her feet turned inwards, like her brother, Tyler, did. It was called 'Pigeon Toes' or something, and it meant that you had to get physical therapy to correct it, but JJ and Hotch had hope that it would get better over time. Besides, it wasn't that noticeable, anyway.

[Are you going to call again at lunch?] Grace signed. Her little lilac backpack sat on her shoulders and went right down her back. It looked sort of big on her, like everything did, and it had this pocket in the front with a special keychain on it. It contained all of her diabetes supplies and was labelled 'MEDICAL', so only JJ, Hotch, teachers and anyone certified to use it could do so. There was one instance about two months ago where Grace had forgotten to prick her finger, so she never tested herself, and went into this really deep low and she started wheezing and all. Luckily, a teacher got there in time and stabilised her. Since then, Jennifer had been hesitant as to letting her four year old complete tests on her own.

[Of course,] JJ signed. [And do you need Daddy to call today? Or just Mommy?] Jennifer had this habit of calling, which was fine, really, but then she started urging her husband to do the same. He was often in the middle of something really important, like a profile, or something, but he always took the time to make sure Grace was doing fine. How it worked was, they would video chat and sign to each other instead of the whole audio call thing. There were not many audio calls in the Jareau-Hotchner household.

[Daddy and Mommy,] she signed, [And then sleep.]

[You should have slept last night,] JJ replied. [Sleep at nap time.]

[But the other kids,] Grace informed her mother as they walked down the kindergartener's hallway. [Sometimes, they can feel my alarm going off.]

[Who cares?] JJ signed. [Just do what you have to do and don't worry about anybody else.] They reached the door and Grace opened it. It was really loud inside and there were loads of really short people running around and yelling and making mess. Essentially, there were about twenty-five Bens, Tyler's and Grace's. It was really loud, considering it was an elementary school for deaf and hard-of-hearing children. Fortunately, not many people had to hear the sound. The benefits outweighed the turn-offs.

"Hi," one of Grace's teachers, Kate Harrison, said. Finally, JJ thought, someone I can hear and respond to with my voice.

"Hi," JJ replied. "Grace's a bit cranky today, she's tired. I don't know if it's her sugar, or if she's been up all night watching some signing animals show. Can you find out for me?" Kate laughed.

"Of course," she said. "And is there anything else?" JJ watched Grace as she hung her backpack on the little hook in the mud area. Her little shoes were nicely tucked in the cubby below.

"Her father and I will both call around lunch to check up on her, like usual," JJ informed the teacher. "Her journal is in her backpack, so call me if there's something wrong," she said. "Other than that, I think she should be fine." Kate laughed to herself and put her hand on Jennifer's shoulder comfortingly.

"She'll be fine. She always is," she said. "See you later!" JJ smiled at the woman and blew a kiss to Grace, followed by an 'I Love You' in sign. As soon as her happy little blonde turned around and started playing with her toys, JJ knew she could leave. She walked out to her car and got in and sat there, doing nothing. She checked the time, almost nine thirty, and scrolled through her contacts until she found her husband. She didn't even think to speed-dial him. He picked up and all, he was probably on break.

"JJ? Are you okay?" Came his concerned voice through the phone. JJ took a deep breath and tried to calm herself.

"Not really," she said, feeling her chest get all tight and all. "I can't get over feeling sorry for Grace. Why does she have all of these...difficulties? Why don't I have them? Why has she got to suffer?"

"JJ, you do this nearly every time you drop her off at school. I understand it, I do—"

"Do you?" JJ shot back. "Why don't you cry? Why don't you ever feel sorry for her? Why is it always me?"

"Because I don't want to feel sorry for her. She is not the most unfortunate child in the world. She is loved, protected, clothed...she has a lot of things, and I cannot possibly feel that way about her. Jen, you have to understand this."

"I'm trying!" JJ admitted loudly. "Believe me, I give myself pep-talks in the car, I remind myself that there are far worse things happening to kids, I compare her situation with others', which I never thought I'd do—"

"Have you tried thinking of her as Grace? I mean, not as your deaf, diabetic daughter?" Hotch paused as he chuckled to himself. "Try saying that three times." Aaron was really good at provoking thoughts. He sort of had to be, like, it was his job and all, but he was really good at it. You'd sit and think about what he'd said for days, months, years, even. "Think of her as your daughter. Your little daughter who loves you very much and doesn't want you feeling like this."

"Aaron, can I ask you something?"

"You're my wife, JJ, you can ask me anything."

"Why do you think Grace should get hearing aids if you want me to think of her as 'just Grace'? Like, is her being deaf wrong, or something?"

"No, no," Aaron said. "I think it will make her life easier, somehow." JJ sighed.

"But, putting a deaf child into a hearing world is something we've discussed at length and still need to—"

"Of course we have," Hotch said. "But, if we're still fighting about this, it's obviously not sorted."

"I'm just saying, I think it's a difference, not a disability. You have different views on this, and that's fine, but we're not fine if we can't come to an agreement on this."

"Listen, I have to go," Hotch told JJ. "We're flying out to Louisiana in half an hour and I have to get everything ready. Does Grace want me to call at lunch?" JJ sighed.

"Doesn't she always?"

"I love you," Hotch said, which almost sounded like a question, like he wasn't certain. No, he had to be certain, they'd been married for four years...but couples break up all the time. Were they going to break up? No, they couldn't do that. He'd never leave her with five children. He'd never be able to leave the children. What was she thinking? He wasn't going to leave. He just cares a whole lot about Grace, and when someone cares a whole lot, it's really hard to see whether they're with you or against you.

"I love you, too," JJ replied, letting out the breath she'd been holding in.

* * *

Afternoon came and JJ found herself walking through her local Walgreens, searching for Grace's favourite icing sugar, banana. She wasn't really searching, though, she knew exactly where the icing was. She'd been getting it for over four years. When she couldn't find her daughter's favourite, she decided to walk through each aisle and look at all of the displays. The pharmacist knew JJ well and had known her since Henry was born. They always discussed current events as he gave her Grace's insulin and he had always been supportive. JJ had gone in there at five months pregnant with the triplets and he helped her around and all and brought her bags to the car and stuff. And then she didn't come for a few months because Tyler, Grace and Ben were born at six months and Grace had been diagnosed with things nobody could possibly have prepared for. At some point, she showed up asking for insulin and when Grace was a baby, she had to refrain from breaking down. She did, though, break down once in front of him. She told him everything and since then, he had been really supportive. His name was Ralph and he was a tall, sort of handsome guy with dark brown hair and really friendly hazel eyes. Like JJ, he had a deaf child. He had a little boy who was eight and had been deaf since birth, too.

"JJ!" He said, walking over to her. Given the time of day, JJ was the only one in there, and for once, she wasn't in a rush.

"Ralph, hey," she said, "how are things?"

"Good, good," he said, approaching the food aisle where she was. "What's going on with you?" JJ sighed.

"Grace has an appointment today with her audiologist and he brought up hearing aids last time," she paused. "Aaron really wants to try them, but it seems like he's trying to fix her, and I don't think she needs fixing at all."

"Oh," he said, looking down. "That's sticky."

"Yeah," JJ said. "So, what do we do?"

"Have you gotten Grace's opinion?" He asked. JJ nodded.

"This morning," she told him. "In the car, I asked her and she told me 'no', but I don't know if that's because she's tired or because she really doesn't want them."

"Danny's got 'em, JJ, and he's got great speech, and he's going to this hearing school and he can communicate with us easily. Have you tried weighing the pros and cons?"

"I mean," JJ started, looking up at the man. "I want Grace to talk and be able to hear me from upstairs, I do, but...she is deaf, that was how she was born. I don't wanna change that. So much of that makes up her identity, and I think by getting hearing aids, she'll be erasing it."

"You want her to talk and listen, but you don't want her to get hearing aids? I get it, JJ," he said. "But have you asked Aaron why he wants Grace to get them?" JJ shook her head.

"We've talked about it, but it turns into yelling, and I don't want the kids growing up in an environment where we're constantly fighting over medical expenses and diseases—"

"You should calmly sit down and ask him why he wants this for her instead of telling him he's wrong for thinking so," Ralph suggested. "Hannah and I sat down and discussed it for nearly a year before we decided to get Danny hearing aids."

"But, how many decibels has Danny lost?" Ralph though for a moment.

"It was sixty-four last time," he said. JJ sighed.

"Exactly. That's...moderate hearing loss. Hearing aids are beneficial as hell for people in that boat. But, Ralph, Grace has lost ninety-seven decibels of her hearing, and I've done research. Hearing aids will not help her!"

"I still think you should talk about it with Aaron," the man said. The door opened and a customer walked in. JJ ran her hands through her hair and shouldered her purse.

"I'll see you next week," she said, walking towards the door. Ralph followed her and went to the counter. "When I come for Grace's refills."

"I hope you come to a conclusion," Ralph said. "Good luck!"

JJ drove home and got inside and took her coat and boots off. The icing was still on her mind as she went through the fridge. There were two sleeves of strawberry icing that would have to do for the time being, along with a bottle of wine that hadn't yet been brought into the dining room. She took the bottle out of the fridge and opened it and poured a half cup. As she was putting the wine away, she noticed it was time to call Grace. She closed the fridge and took her wine into the living room, where she called her daughter's school from the house phone to let them know she was calling Grace from FaceTime. After she got the OK, she called Grace. The girl answered quickly on her iPad and stood it up against the wall.

[Hello,] JJ signed. She was smiling, clearly very happy to see her little girl. [How is school?] Grace pricked her finger and squeezed a bead of blood out.

[Fun,] she told her. [I can count to ten!] JJ smiled.

[That's so good!] she signed. [What's your blood sugar?] The teacher came over to Grace and waved to JJ. She helped Grace put her blood onto a test strip and put it into the meter.

[It's probably low,] Grace signed.

"She's right," Mrs. Harrison said to JJ. "Five point five, a little below normal."

"I packed a sandwich and a milkshake, those should bring her up a bit."

[Did you get icing?] Grace asked. JJ shook her head.

[They didn't have any,] she told her. [I'll check next time, okay?]

[Do I still have to go to the doctor?]

[Yeah, you do,] JJ signed. [At four o'clock this afternoon. I will pick you up at three twenty, okay?] Grace nodded.

"If she eats this, JJ, she will need about three units of insulin," the teacher said as she prepared Grace's shot. Grace had a refillable pen that you could just load up with insulin. It was a purple pen that they'd gotten customised when Grace was around 3. She got stickers on it and little decals that looked really good and all. She had this other pen for nighttime with a different type of insulin and it was baby blue with moon and star stickers. It was really the only way they could get her to use them.

"That's fine," JJ told the teacher. "Can you text me her sugar in the afternoon?"

"I always do," the teacher said.

[I will see you later,] JJ signed to Grace. [I love you.]

[I love you, too,] Grace signed back. JJ ended the call and took her wine to kitchen. She contemplated dumping the wine down the sink since she had to pick Grace up in two hours, but she knew she'd never drink more than what would be deemed safe for driving. She was never much of a drinker, anyway. Whenever the team went out for drinks, she never drank more than three or four, and when she did, she made sure to wait it out a while before she could drive home. She'd only ever been hungover once, when the triplets were very little and Grace's diabetes had just been diagnosed. It scared her a lot to think people have multiple hangovers, so she stopped drinking over her limit. Alcohol was what broke her parents up, anyway. As she walked past the fridge, she noticed the schedule and realised that Grace had dance at six thirty. This came as a shock, since Grace hadn't had dance in weeks due to a break. You're never prepared for it to start back up again, really.

Jennifer was now standing at the sink, looking out of the kitchen window. Fresh spring flowers bloomed all over, the leaves on the trees behind the house were finally coming back and little bunny rabbits had started visiting again. It looked so wonderful outside, but it was going to change at some point. Soon, it would be summer, and the pool would be open, the trees would be greener than ever and the grass would be flat from the boys playing soccer on it all day. However, deep down, the garden itself will always be the same. The grass will always be there and the trees will continue to change and grow. It's the people who change. It's parts of yourself that you leave behind and parts of the place you take with you. Often, your outlooks change and you've got this whole new thing going on in your life, but as soon as you see one thing that takes you back to that moment, you're you all over again.

"She can't hear a single thing," JJ said aloud, her eyes scanning the backyard. She was big on talking to herself and all. The phone rang and she stopped talking and ran over to get it. She practically fell over the leather ottoman in the centre of the living area. She was clumsy as hell, she really was.

"Hello?" She said, pushing her hair back with one hand, as usual. She did it whenever she was unsure or something like that. "Gra–what about Grace? Is she okay?" You should've seen the look on her face when she heard what the other person said. She probably had a minor heart attack or something. "I...I'll be right there," she said. "Thank you."

* * *

 **THERE YOU GO. I have been writing this for weeks now and I realized I had a pretty enticing first chapter to post. You've all waited so long and I cannot fathom the words of an apology, so here it is in fiction-format. Reviews are always welcome! ALSO, be sure to _follow this story_ to be emailed when I update. See you! x**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here is chapter 2 of Poster Child. I hope you like it!**

* * *

She dropped the phone onto the couch and clutched her chest. Tears were rolling down her face and she looked sad as hell. She ran to the front door and grabbed her coat and her boots and barely put them on. Her phone was slipping out of her hand and her screen was being scratched by her car keys. She threw her phone onto the passenger seat and stuck the key in and turned the engine on. She'd never been in such a rush to leave her home. She had sped through her neighbourhood, right up to the 'Palisades' sign—when her phone rang. Her driving became that of a drunk person's as she reached over and grabbed the device. It connected to Bluetooth, a clever system her SUV was equipped with.

"Hello?" She said, breathing heavily as she put her seatbelt on.

"JJ, the police are here, getting statements—" Grace's teacher said.

"Did anyone see her?"

"Not sure. I hope the children are able to open up. Do you know who she usually plays with at playtime?"

"I...I don't know! She's so kept to herself, dammit. She's got this little friend, um, Elsie, oh, and Clara. They must've seen something." JJ told the woman.

"Where are you now?" Kate asked. JJ could hear police sirens and loud commotion in the background. She looked up at the street sign.

"I'm turning on to Cathedral Avenue," she told her. "Dammit! She can't have gone missing!"

"I'm sorry," Kate said. There were people talking over each other in the background and police officers were ordering everyone about.

"I need to call my husband," JJ said to Kate. "Can I call you back?"

"Sure," Kate said.

JJ looked down for a few seconds as she speed dialled him.

"Please pick up, please pick up," she said to herself as she focused back on the road. "Pick up the phone, dammit!"

"JJ?" Hotch said. "I'm in a meeting. What is it?"

"It's Grace," JJ said loudly. "Grace is gone!"

"Gone? You mean—"

"Yes! Yes! She's gone-someone took her. They've got the police there taking statements and I'm on my way over. I'm freaking out."

"Okay, uh–"

"When will you get back?" JJ asked.

"Tomorrow night, hopefully," Hotch answered. "What the hell? Where was she?" Jennifer sighed and then swallowed.

"School, Aaron, she was at school. Somebody took her at playtime, and I have no idea whatsoever as to where she might be."

"JJ," Hotch said. He paused for a few seconds and Jennifer could hear someone talking to him in the background.

"If you have to go—"

"Yeah," Hotch said, "I do. I need you to text me updates and make sure the boys are alright." JJ looked at the time and then back up at the road. She passed the Naval Observatory and knew she would be at her daughter's school within ten minutes.

"Of course," she told him. "But I need the team to know about this...we're really private people, Aaron, but we need their help. Even if the case doesn't make it to the FBI...I need their support—"

"I'll tell them," Aaron said. "And, listen, if you need to scream and cry, please don't be afraid. Do it, let everything out. We're going to get our daughter back." Tears were streaming down JJ's face. You'd think she was being dumped by some douche if you didn't know what was really going on.

"I know," she said, making sure she didn't sound like she had a lump in her throat. It was an absolutely horrible attempt, but he didn't suspect anything. He was probably too wrapped up in his meeting to really notice, but deep down JJ knew he was bloody petrified. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Hotch said. He said it really strongly, like he needed her to know he loved her. It wasn't a 'goodnight' 'I love you', or an 'I'm going to work' 'I love you', but it was really meaningful, and JJ didn't hear it like that all that often. She wished she did.

Jennifer had sped through the city like a madwoman. She was a madwoman, but today, she was a madwoman whose daughter was missing. She'd pulled up to the school in her jeans and all and ran up to Grace's teacher. There were a few police cars at the school and some sign language interpreters were helping deaf-mute children communicate with officers.

"Jennifer," Kate said with concern. She was really friendly and JJ had even had drinks with her a few times. They were friends and all, but not the type you call up on a Saturday afternoon and ask to come over, you know? Some people just aren't Saturday afternoon people.

"What've you got?" JJ asked. "I've got some of Grace's stuff in the car, like, her blanket, her books and her stuffed monkey."

"They've got dogs here, using her backpack to go off of, so those will help. What do you do when you get to an abduction scene?" JJ stuffed her hands into her pockets and looked around.

"We don't usually focus on kidnapping cases, but when we do, they're linked to serial killers and motives. We're the behavioural part, so we find out why these sick bastards do what they do. But generally, they want you to tell them everything that happened, all the grown ups they know, their hiding places, all that stuff..."

"You should go and ask the officers what happened, then," Kate suggested to JJ. "I would be of no use. I can't explain this to you. I didn't see anything." JJ turned to leave when Kate stopped her. She grabbed her wrist and pulled her back. "What's gonna happen to me?"

"Well, what's gonna happen to you is, you'll probably be taken to the station, and you'll help find clues as to Grace's whereabouts." With that, JJ left and ran over to a police officer. She pulled her FBI badge out of her back pocket and flashed it to him.

"We didn't call the FBI," he said, looking around.

"Jennifer Jareau...I'm Grace Hotchner's mother."

"Okay," the officer said. "Four of her classmates watched her playing by the fence in the sandbox, but two of them say they saw her being taken by a woman who called herself her aunt. Do you have anyone who could identify as her aunt?" JJ's heart stopped.

"No...no, it's just my sister, and she died when I was eleven. Do we have a description of this woman?" The officer took out his notepad.

"Blonde, tall, wearing a red coat...one of the girls thought she was Grace's mother...but the other girl, Clara told me she was too tall to be you." JJ folded her arms. This terrified her. She looked down when somebody tapped on her. It was a little girl who happened to be Grace's best friend.

"This is Elsie," JJ told the police officer as she took her hands out of her pockets. [What is it, Elsie?]

Elsie, or Elizabeth, was Grace's best friend. Like Grace, she was deaf-mute, meaning sign language was her only form of communication. She was short for her age, like Grace, and had the most beautiful colour of eyes ever. They were a really pretty hazel colour and she had little freckles across her cheeks. Her hair was a lovely light brown and it went half way down her back. Unlike Grace, she was very 'loud'. She was always signing to you and telling you jokes. JJ always hoped Grace would be like that.

[The lady who took Grace had a blue car and there was a sticker on the window at the back.]

[What did the sticker look like?] JJ signed. She looked from Elsie to the police officer.

[A blue circle, but that's all I remember.] JJ swallowed. She knew that symbol.

[Thank you,] she signed to Elsie. When Elsie ran off, JJ turned to the officer.

"The blue circle is the universal symbol for diabetes," she said. "This woman's got a motive—"

"Excuse me, ma'am? Who are you?" An officer said, approaching JJ.

"Yes? I'm Supervisory Special Agent Jennifer Jareau of the FBI's Behavioural Analysis Unit...I'm Grace Hotchner's mother."

"You're her mother?" The officer asked. Her eyes were wide. "You can't be on this case. Anybody related to the victim cannot be in on this case, I'm sorry."

"I know that," JJ said. "I'm just here to help. Look, somebody said they saw a blue circle sticker on the car, and it represents diabetes. Grace has type one diabetes."

"And you think that this is somehow related?" The officer asked. She seemed to be interested in what Jennifer had to say.

"Yes," JJ said firmly. She was shaking, in case you wanted full detail. "Diabetes isn't all that common. It's-it's one in three hundred in the United States for type one. This obviously means something to her." The female officer sighed and put her hands on her hips.

"We need to get surveillance tapes from nearby stores," she said. "Get your team on the phone, tell them what's going on—"

"Thank you," JJ said. She sounded quite desperate, though. You wouldn't think she was part of law enforcement by the way she was all shaky and clueless. "What do you need me to do?"

"You're an agent, ma'am, you should know," the woman said, putting a comforting arm on JJ's shoulder. "Look, we're trying our hardest to find her, and we need you to stay back." With that, JJ left and got into her car. She was on time, anyway, because the boys would be getting home from school soon.

* * *

"Mom? Mom?" Jack asked.

JJ heard the door close and she wiped her face off with the bathroom towel. She stood at the mirror and looked at herself, trying her hardest to stop crying for God's sake.

"I'm coming!" JJ said, turning on the sink. She splashed cold water on her face. It didn't make her look any better, but it cooled her face off and cleaned her up a bit. She unlocked the bathroom door and walked out to the hallway. If you went right, you would be outside, and if you went left, you'd go past the office, and if you went past that, you'd be in the more open area of the house with the kitchen and living room and all. She went left and walk down the hall, looking all shaken up and all. She saw Jack drop his backpack by the door and walk into the kitchen. He had on these sweatpants and some type of sports sweater. They always wore sports clothes.

"Mom?" Jack asked. "Mom? What's wrong?"

JJ shook her head a little and pushed her hair out of her face. She wanted to throw up, she really did. This was complete bullshit. Her daughter was only four years old and it was like she'd never left the womb. She was so attached to her mother and JJ could only imagine how the little girl felt to be without her for so long. She turned to her step-son and cleared her throat. "Grace's missing."

"Grace? Our Grace?" Jack asked. What a stupid question. Who else could it be? "Where? At school?"

"Yeah," JJ said, wiping some of the tears that had spilled from her eyes. "Listen, I'm going to go and clean up. When your brothers get home, can you sit them in the living room for me?"

"Yeah," Jack said quietly, hopping off of the bar stool he had sat on.

"Thanks," JJ said as she walked up the stairs. There was a little canvas with the quote, "the only steps in this house are on the stairs," and it was supposed to show that everyone was family. Nobody was a step son or daughter, everybody was family, regardless of blood. JJ quite liked it, as Emily had gotten it for them when her and Aaron married. Jennifer was so proud of it and loved it. People always asked about it when they came over and she was always more than happy to explain it to them.

She got into the master bedroom and closed the door behind her. She really felt like closing the blinds and curling up in her bed and never coming out. But she couldn't. She had to do something. She decided she wouldn't let grief and guilt take over. She would have a saying that goes like this, "I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay," and she would repeat it like a mantra. There wouldn't be one day where she would let the world convince her of all the reasons she was not.

It didn't take long for her to dig up her favourite yoga pants from the closet. They were grey and cotton and absolutely wonderful to wear. Did anybody even do yoga in yoga pants? She had a Washington Redskins sweater on and she switched out her pants. She wouldn't be allowed to work her daughter's case, which was so bloody stupid. She hated law enforcement. They went around and acted like they were God. They practically bossed everyone around and if you weren't good, they gave you a really long time out. And it wasn't like the time out spot was the stairs or the corner, either. It was some brick cell with a toilet and a bed, if you were lucky. At least you got a bed. She hated law enforcement until she realised she was in it and very much dedicated to it. So she was screwed, essentially.

As she was tying her hair up in a ponytail, she heard Jack talking to somebody. After glancing at the clock on her side table, she realised Ben, Tyler and Henry were home. She wasn't quite sure how to go about telling them about their sister. Would Ben and Tyler understand? Would Henry? She wasn't even sure Jack understood, if she was being honest. But that's the thing. She never wanted them to have to understand until they were older. She wished she could shelter them from all harm, but unfortunately, she couldn't. She would never be able to do such a thing.

"Mom!" Jack shouted from downstairs. "Are you coming?"

"In a minute!" JJ called back downstairs. She yawned and closed her eyes for a moment. She was so tired and all she wanted to do was sleep. Her body was ready to give out and she wouldn't stop it if it did. After deciding she was well enough to go downstairs, she downed a glass of water and left her bedroom.

"Where's Grace?" Henry asked when he saw his mother at the bottom of the stairs. She didn't look well, you know? Jack knew she had been crying, it was quite obvious. Her eyes were all red and her face was all puffy. She sat down in the empty arm chair in the living room. It was this nice leather chair in a really rich brown that spoiled so easily. The kids rarely went on it, mostly because they'd be in trouble if they did anything to damage it. Grace had fallen asleep there once, but Hotch didn't have the heart to move her. She'd had a really rough day in terms of blood sugar and acting out, so he kept her there and covered her with a blanket, making the others really jealous.

"Grace is missing," JJ informed the children. "She went missing at school."

"How did she go missing?" Benjamin asked. You could tell he was really confused.

"Someone took her," JJ said. "But she's not going to be gone for long. We're all looking for her."

"Are they looking for her right now, the police?" Tyler asked. "What about her blood sugar? Isn't she going to get sick?"

JJ folded her arms. She was really worried. Any parent would be mortified for their child if they were taken from their arms. The thing is, Grace is going to be sick if she doesn't get an adequate amount of insulin when she needs it. But JJ was hopeful. She sort of had this feeling that Grace would be all right in the end.

* * *

 **Please review this chapter, please! It's also worth noting that the story will pick up from here and you'll be a lot more interested. Sorry for all of this boring stuff that you need to know prior to the story. Anyway, review & enjoy!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's chapter 3 of Poster Child. I hope you enjoy! (:**

* * *

There was a woman beside him who would not stop talking about her son in Hollywood. He was some hot-shot with a manuscript and all. He seemed to have it going for him. The thing is, with those guys, they're really snobby with really snobby parents and they spend Sunday afternoons golfing and they own resorts and nice cars and have a different woman with them every time you see them. Anyway, this woman would not stop going on about how successful her son was. That was great and all, but Aaron really didn't want to hear about him. He wanted the damn plane to take off and all, since he really needed to get home to his family.

"Sorry about that," she said. "My son's getting married on Tuesday. We wanted an Autumn wedding, but I guess a Winter wedding will do. What's going on with you?"

Hotch didn't really want to say that his daughter had gone missing and now he was leaving work to make it home. He really didn't. He wanted to say he was visiting wealthy relative somewhere in Washington, but it wasn't like she was going to believe that.

"I've just come off a job," he said, turning to the plane window. It was stupid, really. He was in a big plane with loads of people when he could've taken a private jet home. What was the point, anyway? He wasn't even thinking when he booked his flight home. To him, it was all or nothing.

* * *

"You've got to get her blanket, too," Henry told his mother as he jumped onto Grace's bed. It had a nice white frame and a beautiful lilac bedding. It went really nicely with her light yellow walls. It was very delicate, much like their beloved Grace. "You've gotta get her purple one."

"What about her pink one?" Jennifer responded, digging through a big box of linens that Grace had beside her bed. Her room got all cold and all, being in the attic, and she was always bundled up in loads of blankets so she wouldn't freeze. "God, Henry, all of them look the same. You have to help me."

"It's her purple sign language one with the–"

"I've got it," JJ said. "You could've just told me that at first." Grace's purple sign language blanket was one of her favourites. She got it the day the doctors realized she was deaf and all. It was a really pretty orchid colour with 'Love' written on it in sign language. It was so neat and it made everyone want one. They were going to take it to the police to help with the case. It was going to help.

"So, what happens if we don't find Grace, then?" Henry asked, following his mother out of Grace's room. There was a door to the landing outside of her room, which led to the stairs. The stairs led down to the second floor.

"Life carries on," JJ told him. "At Christmas, we'll put presents on her bed, and on each of her birthdays, we'll have a cake and celebrate."

"But what about Ben and Tyler? They have the same birthday."

"Ben and Tyler will be fine. We'll light an extra candle for Grace if she's not back yet, I promise. And, like every year, we'll sign-sing Happy Birthday to her, wherever she is."

"That sounds nice," Henry said to Jennifer when they reached the second floor hallway. "But I miss her." Jennifer pulled her son in close to her and kissed his head.

"So do we," she said. "But it'll be okay."

* * *

"Why aren't you crying or freaking out?" Jack asked. "Isn't that what you're supposed to do when somebody goes missing?" He was walking into the office, where his mother had set up a search for Grace. "Aren't you supposed to cry and freak out and go to the police?"

"No," JJ said. "I mean, yes, yes, you can freak out and cry. But everybody deals differently. Your father doesn't cry unless it's very, very bad. I've only seen him cry a few times."

"When? Because I know he cried when my mom died," Jack told her. "I bet he cried when Ben, Tyler and Grace were born."

"He did," JJ said, smiling. "We both cried, actually. As soon as they took Tyler out, he looked at me and we smiled at each other and just cried, we were so happy. And you should've watched him hold Benjamin for the first time. They were a few months old when we held them for the first time, but it was enough to make him cry. He was so scared."

"Of what?" Jack asked. He had been told about what happened with the triplets and why they were so tiny and delicate and all, but he wasn't really able to understand how serious their health problem was. "Of Grace and stuff?"

"Sort of," JJ said. She was always saying 'sort of', mostly because she didn't know what to say. "We were terrified of their size. They weighed less than a pound each and they were all put on life machines because they couldn't breathe on their own. And then came Grace's stuff, which you know about. Your father doesn't like crying, you know that?"

"Yeah," Jack said. "He's really private." He was quick to steer the conversation back to the original topic. "But, I thought when your kid goes missing, you cry and yell and get mad...or are you private too?"

"I'm not private, at least not with you guys. Right now, I am trying to be as calm as I can because panicking will only make things worse." She used to panic. She used to panic a lot, actually. Back when it was her, Will and Henry, she would panic whenever Henry got lost in the grocery store. He'd be in the next aisle, but it killed her.

"I bet Grace'll be back soon," Jack said after a moment of silence.

"You do?" JJ replied. "Hopefully."

* * *

It was nine o'clock by the time Aaron reached home. He pulled up on the driveway in a hurry and practically hopped out of the car. He could hear the boys inside exclaiming, "daddy's home!" which made his heart pound even faster than it already was. The bastard would probably jump out of his chest if it got the opportunity.

"I'm home," he said as he walked inside. He wasn't loud or anything because he could see Benjamin fast asleep on the sofa. Tyler was at the door, jumping up to hug his father. They hugged and Hotch placed a kiss on his son's head. "Where's mommy?"

"She's in your office," Tyler said. "She's trying to find Grace."

"Technically, it's our office," Aaron corrected as he dropped his briefcase by the door. He brushed right past Tyler and hurried into the office, where his wife was busy looking up stuff on missing children. "Hey."

JJ looked up.

"You're home...I didn't think you'd–"

"I didn't think I would, either. I got off at four. I need you to tell me everything."

"How?" JJ asked. "They won't even let me read her case file. We're not allowed to do anything because we're her parents. I'm about to send a complaint, it's so stupid."

Aaron walked into the room fully and stood by his wife. "Can I have a hug?" He asked. "Do you want a hug?"

JJ nodded and threw her arms around his waist from where she was sitting. She held onto him tightly and breathed in his scent. You could tell she had missed him.

"You need a hug," he concluded, running his hands up and down her back in soothing patterns, just the way she liked it.

They stayed like that for a little while, peacefully holding each other, until JJ stood up and wrapped her arms around his neck. She was level with him now, although much shorter, but she liked it. She didn't speak, she just closed her eyes and allowed him to comfort her. It wasn't long before she pulled away from him and looked into his sad eyes.

"Our daughter," she said, her bottom lip curling up as she started to cry. "She's gone, Aaron, she's gone."

"I know," Aaron said. He really wanted to cry, but the thing is with crying, it makes your face all sticky and then you've got to wash it. But why wash away tears that meant something? "I'm scared." This man was never scared. Never has he ever been so terrified of anyone in his life. His father, well, his father was a different story. Nothing scared him. But this, this was entirely new. Never in a million years did he think about his little girl being ripped away from him.

"Me too," she said as she trembled.

And then they held each other again, because that was all they could do

* * *

Nightfall came. It went quickly, getting everyone ready for bed. The boys were quick to fall asleep. Aaron and Jennifer walked around the house and made sure all of the doors and windows were locked. They somehow found themselves in Grace's room. It was dark, not at all scary, and was inviting. Her untouched stuffed animals sat on her dresser and her favourite lilac onesie was resting on the foot of the bed. Some piano sheet music was scattered on the music stand beside her little keyboard. They had a piano downstairs that she liked to play on. She was quite good at it, too. Her white curtains blew with the breeze and Jennifer went over to close the windows.

"I almost want to stay up all night," she said. "But it won't do me any good, will it?"

"I don't think so," Aaron replied. "Come on."

JJ took Grace's onesie off of her bed and held it closely as she went downstairs to the second floor. She went into the master bedroom and placed it gently on the bed. It had her smell, her sweet, child-like smell.

"I'll be out in a minute," she said as she walked into the bathroom. "Wait for me."

"I will," Hotch said, taking his dress shirt off. He threw it on the floor along with his pants and socks. It was a rather cold night, so he put on woolen pyjama bottoms and a short sleeved t-shirt. He then walked into the bathroom, where JJ was putting toothpaste on her toothbrush. "How long do you think it'll be?" He asked.

"Until Grace is back?" She replied, raising the toothbrush to her mouth. She was hesitant to start brushing her teeth, as she was afraid her husband would say something that would stop her heart.

"I think it'll be a while," Hotch said. "Like, you said the woman had a diabetes sticker on her car...you think that's her motive? Diabetes? It makes sense, but you can't just look at someone and say they've got diabetes."

"Unless," JJ said, spitting toothpaste out. "Unless she's been stalking her." She put the toothbrush back in her mouth and watched her husband prepare his toothbrush. It was silent, then, for the crevices of their poorly minds were filled with fear and anxiety for their young daughter, crippling them from believing all was well. And then, out of the blue, Aaron took his toothbrush out of his mouth and placed it on the counter and started talking.

"Grace might not even be hurt. Maybe...maybe the woman took her because of someone she lost? It would make sense, you know...but, think about it, JJ. Grace might be fine."

"Seriously?" JJ exclaimed, putting her toothbrush back into its jar. She wiped her mouth and splashed water on her face. "You think this is all okay because she might not be in pain? What do you think will happen when she wakes up in the morning, _if_ she wakes up? What? You think she'll accept the fact that she'll never see Mommy and Daddy again? 'Cause she won't; she's got attachment issues, and you know that."

"I'm just trying to think of all the possibilities. Some people don't even realize what they're doing is wrong. Maybe that's how this woman thinks—"

"And what if she's got guys at her place that are dying to feast on little girls? We don't know anything, so can we please leave it at that?"

Aaron was quick to accept Jennifer's dismissal. It was very late, and they were both extremely tired and scared at the same time.

"I'm going to bed," JJ mumbled, pulling her shirt over her head. She threw on her favourite sweater—Aaron's soccer sweater, and crawled into bed. She held on to Grace's onesie and inhaled its scent. She felt empty. A piece of her had gone missing. She wanted to cry and get drunk. What a lousy way of dealing with a problem, drinking. But it certainly didn't stop her from thinking about it. JJ had only gotten drunk a few times. She didn't like it. It was fun until the feeling she got afterwards. She still went out to bars and all, but she wouldn't get so drunk that she'd have a hangover the next day.

"Okay, Jen, I didn't mean it the way you think," Aaron reasoned, turning off the bathroom light as he left it. "I'm just saying, we've got to think of everything."

"I know," JJ said, sitting up. She propped a pillow up behind her. "I want to find her and I don't want to think about that."

"We've got to talk about this tomorrow, you know."

"Yes, but not tonight. This can't be all we talk about."

Aaron nodded and turned off the bedroom light. He crawled into bed alongside his wife and laid down. He wanted to fall asleep and stay asleep forever, he really did. He had gotten someone to cover for him at work and he'd worked up the courage to tell everyone what had happened with Grace. If you must know, Penelope Garcia started to bawl, really. Grace never felt close with many people, but to her godmother, she was very attached. Spencer Reid, her godfather, was left speechless. For someone with a helluva lot to say, he surprised everyone. Everybody was mostly in shock. They'd been trained to respond without emotion, but it's different when it's your family.

"You still up?" Aaron asked quietly.

"Of course," JJ mumbled. "Do you think I'm gonna fall asleep?"

"No; I can't sleep either."

JJ turned over and rolled right into her husband's arms. If she could go back to that morning, she would. Grace pissed her off, she wasn't afraid to admit that. Kids piss you off at times. But it hurts like hell when you can't see them.

"What do you think is gonna happen tomorrow?" She asked.

"Well," Hotch started. "An amber alert has been sent out, so we wait. I'm sure they'll find some sort of clue and we'll get her back."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

* * *

 **I hope you liked chapter 3! This is my favourite chapter so far. It's written nicely and flows well, I think. Please leave a review! (:**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello! I've been loving writing this story lately, so here is chapter 4! For those of you who don't think I'm capturing JJ, I promise you, I am trying. Thank you for taking time to review, I really appreciate it. Here are some explanations and analysis for certain parts that may help you understand where I'm coming from.**

 **When Hotch comes home, he isn't thinking. He doesn't care about getting on a private jet, regardless of its speed. He cares about getting home and the only thing he thought of was jumping on the first flight back to Washington DC when he could.**

 **And if I may add, I don't think it's OOC for JJ and Hotch to not react like "regular" parents would. Like, I get it, their child is missing. But they're trained agents. Not everyone breaks down 24/7 and not everyone is stone cold. They've also got 4 boys to look after and it's so difficult for a parent to break down in front of a child. I had to consider this when writing this chapter and I decided JJ would have a weak moment. But it isn't just that. In the next chapter, we'll explore how Hotch deals with this situation.**

 **But certainly keep in mind that there will be moments that completely destroy your heart. There are little things that make you freak out a little inside. This chapter was written with so much raw emotion and I hope you can feel that as you read.**

* * *

 **TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF ALCOHOL AND DROWNING.**

* * *

It had barely hit four in the morning when both Aaron and Jennifer awoke from their sleep. It was no surprise; they always woke up at four to test Grace's blood sugar.

"I never turned off her alarm," JJ mumbled as she got out of bed. "Go back to sleep, I'll be back in a minute."

JJ went upstairs and all to Grace's bedroom where the sound of her alarm resonated throughout the attic. She turned it off and silenced it. She'd never turned it off before. She wanted so badly to lock herself in the storage room across from Grace's room and never come out. She wanted to climb up onto Grace's high bed and fall asleep. But she couldn't. She needed her husband's comforting presence in her most vulnerable time.

* * *

"Mom! Mom! Look, Grace is on the news!" Henry exclaimed, sliding into the master bedroom in his socks and all. "Mom! Mom?"

"What?" JJ mumbled.

"Come downstairs!"

"What's going on?" She asked.

"Grace's on the news!" Henry announced for the umpteenth time. If you think he's excited, you're right. He really thought it was cool and all to watch his little sister 'Grace' the TV, if you will. If only he understood.

"I'm coming," JJ said as she got out of bed. She made her side of it and followed her son downstairs, where everyone was crowded around the screen. There had to have been a ten minute segment for her at least.

She read the headline, FBI Agents' Daughter Kidnapped and she took a deep breath. She ran her hands through her fair hair and they landed on her hips. There was all sorts of coverage on what had happened. Some of the stuff they said was entirely new to JJ and Hotch.

"Everyone knows you're FBI agents now," Jack said, folding his arms. "Isn't that, like, illegal?"

"No," Aaron said. "It's risky, that's all, especially if we're undercover. When we go undercover, we're not supposed to tell anyone."

"So, you're like spies?" Benjamin asked.

"Yeah," Hotch said distractedly as he focused on the news report.

"Cool!"

Jennifer sighed as she read the tweets that were appearing at the bottom of the screen. She was thankful the younger boys couldn't read that much, or they'd be pretty upset.

"Are you kidding?" She asked as she read from the screen, "'They're FBI agents and they let their kid go missing?'"

"'Sigh. People will do anything nowadays to get their name out there.'" Hotch read from the screen. "This is disgusting, turn it off, boys."

"I wish they'd see us as regular people and not as FBI agents," JJ said in frustration. "Can't anyone see that we're just looking for our daughter? Is all they care about what our titles are? Would this be different if we were celebrities or royalty? Would people flood our phone with messages of hope and love?"

"What?" Tyler said. "I don't understand." He was really occupied with his toy cars he'd laid out on the living room floor. He'd made this town out of crayons and pencils and he'd drive the cars through it. Benjamin and Henry sometimes played, too, and even Jack. Grace often laid down with her ear to the hardwood and rolled a car beside her so she could get the feeling of it. JJ and Hotch had witnessed this on multiple occasions and they'd encouraged the boys to do the same. They figured with over thirty cars they'd never get bored.

"Everyone's gonna say stuff at school on Monday," Henry said. "Everyone's gonna think I'm famous 'cause my sister's on TV."

"Henry, please," JJ said, walking to the fridge to start breakfast. "You're all going to get questions like, 'are you okay?' and 'do you need anything?' because you're currently in a family crisis. That's what happens. You're not famous, okay? And don't go around school saying that, either."

"They said Grace has diabetes on the TV," Jack said. "Do you think that'll help? 'Cause they also said she's wearing a medical bracelet. How will that help?"

JJ poured orange juice into six cups. She had taken out seven, but upon realization that her daughter wasn't there, she put it away.

"When they find her, they'll know to take her right to the hospital for specific treatment. Like, if they didn't know she had diabetes, how would they know to check her blood sugar?"

"But what about her being Deaf?" Jack continued, watching his father walk into his office with the phone pressed against his ear. "They said she was deaf, too."

"That's so the people who find her will know to sign to her instead of talking. She might be really scared of all these people saying things she can't hear, so when she's met with someone who knows ASL, she'll feel a bit safer."

It was only a few minutes before Aaron emerged from the office. He got calls like that often. They were always work calls and soccer calls and dance calls. He was always the one who had to deal with schedule changes. After he got the call, he would notify JJ and all.

"Jen," he said, walking into the kitchen with his phone in his hand. "We've got a press conference tomorrow morning at ten. They want us to make a statement."

"You're gonna be on TV?" Jack said. "Cool!"

Hotch and JJ exchanged glances.

"Jack, Mom and Dad are going for a walk. We'll be back in ten minutes, okay?" JJ said. "You and Henry keep an eye on the little ones."

"Okay," Jack said.

"When we come back, we'll finish breakfast," Hotch said, grabbing his coat and boots. JJ did the same.

When they went out into the bitter January air, they stuffed their hands into their pockets. They were supposed to talk about something, though they both weren't quite sure what. They took the trail surrounding their neighbourhood. The houses where they lived weren't close at all. You had to walk down the street to get to the next one. But it was nice and it was never busy. Most of the people who lived there were wealthy couples who had grown much too old to have children. There were a few kids in the neighbourhood, though. There were about three of them who lived in this one house, this big house, but they were all older than Jack. It wasn't like he minded, though. They came over quite often to babysit. Anyway, JJ and Hotch were walking down this one path near their house. The kids used it often and went down to the lake to play. Their parents weren't very happy when they came back all wet, but it was what it was.

"I'm going to cancel Grace's insulin later–" Hotch started before JJ interrupted him.

"I listened to you cry for hours last night," she said, looking up at the snow-coated spruce trees.

"And I listened to you cry until four this morning before you decided to sleepwalk downstairs and drink half a bottle of wine."

"I did not do that," JJ defended. "How does someone drink half a bottle of wine in their sleep? 'Cause I thought about it, you know...but I never did it."

"JJ, I watched you leave and when you came back to bed, I went down and found the wine on the counter. What if the boys had gotten into it?"

"Henry and Jack know not to touch wine."

"But do Tyler, Grace and Ben?"

JJ shook her head and wiped her nose. She didn't know she sleepwalked, she really didn't. Her mother had thought she was a bit of a sleepwalker since Rosaline died, but she wasn't convinced. Hotch wasn't a sleepwalker, but he was somewhat of a person who would awake from horrific nightmares in sweat and tears. But he wouldn't say anything. He wouldn't want anyone to worry.

"Okay," JJ started. "Everyone deals differently."

"I don't want you getting hurt, Jen, I know you and you are not the drinker your father was."

"Can you please stop putting this on me? I brought up you crying because I wanted you to know that I'm standing right here, ready to support you, but you keep telling me it's going to be okay. What about you?"

"It helps me to tell you you're fine. I'm trying to deal with it, JJ, but it's so hard. She's our little girl."

They kept walking through the snow-covered trail until they reached the lake. It was frozen over and both adults really felt like cracking the goddam ice and drowning themselves. They wished they could just do it, but they could never bring themselves to do it, let alone admit it.

"We should go back," JJ said. They had been gone for around ten minutes now. Most of their walk was filled with silence and cold wind, and that was fine. They needed time alone to vent, they really did. It's difficult as hell with five kids in the house. They'd get panicky and all when you raised your voice. And they'd believe you were divorcing each other or something and they'd start picking who they'd live with. It was so goddam lousy, it was, really, but they were kids. A divorce would perhaps be the worst thing they'd ever experienced. That's the thing. When something happens to you, you relate it to stuff that's happened in the past.

"What do you think the boys are up to?" Hotch asked, letting JJ go in front of him when the trail became narrower. It was the only way to loop around and come out the other side.

"Whatever they were up to ten minutes ago, I suppose," JJ said. "Look, I'm not mad at you, really, Aaron, but I need time to myself. And you can't get mad at me every time I drink."

"God, JJ, I would love to drink the pain away, but it's not the answer."

"I know," JJ said. "But it's tempting."

"But we've got each other and that's a lot stronger than a bottle of wine."

* * *

They got back inside and took their coats and boots off. They were freezing cold and were desperate for food. The boys were still playing happily with their cars.

"Where'd you go?" Tyler asked, getting up from the floor. "Outside?"

"They've got coats and boots on, haven't they?" Jack said, rolling his eyes.

"Jack," Hotch said as he closed the fridge. "Stop."

JJ went into the living room while her husband started making breakfast. She liked watching the kids play because they played so wonderfully. Apart from all the yelling and dirt, it was nice. It wasn't always tidy, but it was well worth it if they got a good play. It looked like they'd brought their other bag of cars downstairs, which didn't make Jennifer all that happy if she were being honest. She was awfully terrified of getting scratches on the floor, well, used to be. Grace once dragged her keyboard from the attic all the way to the living room and made a lot of scratches in the floor. She didn't realize what she'd done until JJ told her. She also clearly wasn't thinking because she could've just come downstairs and played on the big piano in the music room. She missed her a whole lot.

"Oh, yeah, Mom, Grace was on the news again," Jack said, walking towards JJ. "They said something about an amber alert?"

"Yeah, an amber alert," JJ clarified. "It's the alert put out for missing children. Hopefully we'll get some calls today with information."

"What about your press conference?"

"That's tomorrow," JJ said as she sat down on the couch.

Jack sat down on one of the arm chairs. He had a good relationship with Grace. He wasn't close to her like she was with Benjamin, but he wasn't far from her like she was with Henry. He was the first one to really take an interest in learning sign language and he was very protective of her. At the park he'd take her on her favourite slide and watch her climb the wall and he would push her on the swings. He enjoyed her company. She made excellent company. It's true, you can ask anyone. She's a great cuddler and she loves it when you stroke her head. She's not too clingy, but she's not too distant. You should see Jack when JJ brings Grace home from school. Before he even attempts his own homework, he goes to help Grace with hers. She loves writing and science, but she can't understand math. Jack wanted to laugh at how cute she looked while being frustrated over the numbers. She cried once because she didn't know how to add one and two to get three. She started throwing things because of how angry she was. But Jack calmed her down and helped her understand it because that's what big brothers are for.

"It's weird without Grace here," he said. "I know she's only been missing for a day and we can't hear her, but we can feel her, right? Like, I know she's not here because I can't feel her."

"I know what you mean," JJ said. "I couldn't sleep last night because I felt so empty. I don't know what to do."

"Can't you go out and find her? Aren't you an FBI agent?"

"Jack, it doesn't work like that. We can't do much because we're her family. We can't work the case because we're her parents and the board thinks we'll let our personal feelings get in the way."

"But what about when Meg went missing? Didn't Kate work that case?"

"Sort of," JJ said. "We all worked very hard to find Meg, but she wasn't allowed to step in further than usual."

"What are you going to do?" Jack asked.

"Dad and I are going to the office to work on the case at lunch," JJ answered. "And we've gotta find a sitter for the afternoon."

"That's all? Can't you do something else?"

"Not really, Jack. We can provide them with stuff about Grace, but we can't do everything. Can't you see we're trying our hardest?"

* * *

JJ was cleaning the counters so she could make lunch for the kids. She figured she'd make it quick so she could go straight to the office. Aaron was on the phone upstairs with the police, giving them Grace's description. He'd done that over a dozen times in the past twenty-four hours. JJ looked through the main floor and could see Benjamin and Tyler on the carpet, playing with Lego. Jack and Henry were outside, building stuff out of snow. Every few minutes, JJ would lean over and look out the window just to make sure they hadn't gone anywhere.

"Can you boys please stop banging? Mommy has a headache," JJ told her little boys. They both looked over and nodded at the same time. They were trying to move one of Grace's toys from the corner so they could put their Lego there. It was a horse, Grace's toy. It was a horse named Buttercup, which she renamed to Banana. It had extremely fluffy fur and it was almost as big as she was. It had a neighing sound that it played when you squeezed its ear and Grace liked to lean on it so she could feel the vibrations. It got annoying after a while and JJ was close to pulling the batteries out of the thing, but she couldn't. She could never bring herself to do such a thing. Watching Grace's horse made JJ very upset and so she dropped the dish towel on the counter and threw her head into her hands. She was crying.

You could hear her quiet sobs from all the way over in the living room. The boys heard their mother's sobs clearly and they were quick to approach her.

"Mommy?" Tyler said, reaching up to the counter, where JJ's head was. "Mommy? You okay?" JJ didn't answer.

"Momma, do you want Daddy?" Benjamin asked right after his brother. "Momma, stop crying. It's okay."

"I'm gonna get you a tissue," Tyler said, running off. Benjamin stood beside his heavily weeping mother and reached up and stroked her back.

"You'll be okay," the four-year-old said. "Do you want a hug?"

"I...I want Grace," JJ wept into her shirt sleeve. "Grace..."

"I got you a tissue," Tyler announced, placing one thin piece of tissue on his mother's head. She was leaned over on the counter. It looked like she was going to be sick. "D'ya want another one?"

"I'm okay," JJ said. "Thank...thank you." She was sniffling and all. You could barely understand her.

"Mommy, you should sleep," Benjamin suggested. He was a very smart little boy. At four, he was reading and writing beyond his grade level. "It will be okay if you sleep."

"No it won't," JJ said. "Grace's missing!"

"Mommy, you're scaring me," Tyler said. "Daddy! Mommy's crying!"

"No tears," Ben said, pressing his little thumbs onto JJ's face. "Don't cry, don't be sad. Be happy. We'll find Grace, we'll find Grace!" His little high-pitched voice was screaming with innocence.

"JJ?" Hotch's voice boomed throughout the lower level. He came out of the office and ran over to the counter. "JJ, it's okay," he said. "Boys, can you go over there and play?"

"Okay!" Both little boys said as they went back over to their cars. They looked back every few steps out of concern for their mother. They were very, very sweet and loving. JJ and Hotch wished they could protect them from the world, but it wasn't possible. They realized this one day in the park a few years ago, before they started school. Jack and Henry were at school and JJ and Hotch had a day off of work since their places were covered, so they took the triplets to the park. They were in a stroller, babbling to each other as they looked around when suddenly, a dog ran up to them. It meant well and all, but they didn't take it that way. They screamed and cried and kicked until the owner came over and apologised. It was then when JJ and Hotch realized they couldn't protect their kids forever. At one point, they knew that they were going to grow up and leave and explore the world for themselves. Since then, however, Grace longed for a dog. She found it scary when it jumped up on the stroller and licked her face, but afterwards, she saw how small it actually was and wanted one for herself. JJ and Hotch had considered it before, they really had. They wanted a dog, too, but they had to be considerate since JJ had had a very traumatic experience in the field. She had gotten over it, though she was still sort of uneasy. Hotch had this idea that they could get a dog with special training for Grace. That way, the family could have a dog and Grace could have a service animal for blood sugar detection and Deafness. JJ had even sent in an application the year before and they'd gotten back to her saying that one would most likely be trained and ready to be adopted by Christmas. JJ and Hotch figured it would be the best Christmas present ever.

"JJ, breathe," Hotch said as he helped JJ onto the bed in the master bedroom. She was hyperventilating by now and her eyes were all red and swollen. She hadn't stopped crying in over ten minutes. "Jen, I need you to listen to me. I need you to breathe, okay?"

"I want Grace," she sobbed. "I can't pretend to be okay anymore, Aaron, I can't." She was shaking and sniffling. She looked sort of scary. Aaron sat beside her and tried to put his arms around her, but she pushed him away. "Get out!"

"JJ, it's me–"

"Get out!" JJ shouted as she punched the bed. It scared Aaron enough to leave the room. He grabbed his leather jacket from behind the door and closed it on his way out.

"Daddy? Where ya going?" Benjamin asked, watching his father put his jacket on. He went to the door and got his boots on.

"Work, Benny. Did Mommy finish lunch?"

"No," Tyler said. "She was crying."

Ignoring what his son said, Hotch went to the back door. He slid it open and leaned out of it. Jack and Henry had built a snow fort and were playing in it.

"Boys!" Hotch called. "Jack! Henry!"

"Yeah?" Both boys said simultaneously, crawling out of their fort. It was huge and quite impressive for their age. It certainly beat last year's fort.

"Penelope will be here in ten minutes," he told them, pulling his phone out of his pocket. Now he had to call Penelope and ask her to babysit the boys. She said she would the day before, but they hadn't talked since. The boys loved Penelope. She was family, after all, but there was something about her that drew everyone to her. She always brought games over and she was always eager to bake and do crafts. It was probably going to be different this time around since Grace wasn't there. Grace loved playing piano for her godmother and she loved putting icing on cupcakes. For her, it was little things. And those were the little things that made everybody miss her that much more.

* * *

 **I hope you all liked chapter 4. It was certainly my favourite to write. In the next chapter, you will get to see how Hotch deals with what's happening. Thanks for reading and please review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Here is chapter 5 of Poster Child. Enjoy!**

* * *

She was warm and cozy. It felt familiar. It smelled strange, but she didn't feel like she was in danger. The blinds were drawn and the bed was messy from the amount of tossing and turning she'd done. She could make out a dresser in the corner of the room and a side table right beside the bed. The walls looked like they were a shade of pink and the covers were yellow. She had a blanket with her and a stuffed bunny that looked old and worn. Where was she? Where was her Mommy? She wasn't able to call out for help because she didn't know how. She sat up in the bed and tucked hair from her ponytail behind her ear.

Suddenly, the door opened and a woman walked in. She was wearing sweatpants and a sweater and she looked very friendly. She opened the blinds and sat down on the bed.

[Grace,] she began with a smile. [I thought I heard you getting up.]

[Where's Mommy?] Grace asked.

[Your Mommy left you at school,] the woman signed. [I'm your new Mommy.] The woman looked to be a little older than JJ. She had blonde hair from what Grace could see and she was really tall and thin. She could sign for the most part and that made Grace somewhat comfortable.

[Mommy loves me,] Grace signed. [Mommy stays.]

[That doesn't matter now,] the woman signed. [I'm going to take care of you.]

* * *

"So where were you this afternoon?" JJ asked her husband as he walked in the front door. He threw his keys into the bowl and kicked his boots off. "You never showed up to work." Her arms were folded and she made a face that told Hotch not to pull any bullshit.

"I needed time to clear my head," he told her. He was telling the truth. "I had to go and–"

"You got drunk, didn't you?" JJ said, interrupting her husband. "Tell me."

"Yes, Jen, I got drunk, but that's none of your–"

"It's every bit my business. If my drinking is your business, then your drinking is sure as hell mine."

"I can explain," Hotch said. "Can we go and talk about this? Where are the boys?"

Jennifer rolled her eyes. "It's almost three in the morning. They've been in bed for over six hours. I'm disappointed in you," she said. "We're supposed to be supporting each other and you left me."

"JJ, we're different people. We're going to deal differently."

"But you can't just leave and–"

"Mommy? Daddy?"

JJ and Hotch walked into the living area to find Benjamin coming down the stairs with his blanket and teddy. He looked confused and upset.

"Ben, can you go upstairs please?" Hotch asked. "Mommy and Daddy have to talk."

"Talk about what?" He asked. JJ glared at Hotch.

"We have to talk about Mommy and Daddy stuff. Can you go back to bed, Bubba?" JJ asked softly, unlike her husband had done. She was ready to pick him up and take him back to bed herself, but they were teaching the triplets how to stay in their rooms at bedtime instead of coming downstairs.

"I miss Grace," he confessed. He was very, very close with his sister and they did everything together. It was a lot stronger than any other bond. They napped together and played together and Grace was teaching him how to play piano. She had learned piano at her school and since Ben's school wasn't learning it, she stepped in and taught him what she knew. On top of that, they played outside together and he was always making sure she was doing her blood sugar checks. They were upset about going to different schools, but it was a beautiful sight to see them hugging like mad when they saw each other at home. "I want Grace to come back."

"Benjamin, please," Hotch said. "Please try and sleep for Daddy."

"No!" Ben cried. "I want Grace! I want Grace!"

"Stop," JJ said. "Ben, stop, you know better than that. Do what we're asking you and go back to bed. Do you want me to come in later and cuddle you?"

"No," Ben said. "I want Grace to cuddle me."

JJ's heart broke. She was very upset for her son. He didn't understand and it was so hard to teach him. She wanted to cuddle all of her children and tell them they would be safe forever, but it wasn't possible.

"Benny, we're going to ask you one more time–" JJ began before she was cut off by her son.

"I'm gonna sit in our room and play then," Benjamin said, turning around. His little bare feet hit the ground with each of his steps. He got halfway up the stairs when his mother stopped him.

"Do not wake Tyler," she said.

"Well, too late, 'cause he's gonna play with me."

With that, he left JJ and Hotch alone. JJ put her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes. She was frustrated that Benjamin was now acting out. He was very disciplined and well behaved. In fact, he was probably the most well behaved out of all the children. It was shocking how fast the child had spiralled down. It had only taken two days.

"He's acting out, JJ, Grace is his best friend," Hotch said.

"I'm so disappointed in you," JJ said, ignoring her husband's words. "Don't leave me alone like that again." She looked very hurt and distraught. Her face was pale and you could tell she had spent more time crying than eating. She had bags under her eyes and it looked like she was getting stress spots.

"JJ, I needed time," Hotch said. "And I'm sorry for not telling you."

"Yeah," JJ said. You could see how angry she was. "That's so irresponsible of you! Aaron, I thought you were different. I thought you'd tell me. We just talked about me drinking half a bottle of wine and now you go out and get drunk and think it's okay?"

"No, JJ," Hotch began. He yawned. He looked very tired and very drowsy. The drinks had certainly worn him out.

"How the hell did you get home? Did you drive? 'Cause you've got your keys." She was getting angrier by the second.

"I got a cab," he said. "I'm an idiot, JJ, but not that much of an idiot."

"You better not have driven because I don't know if I could lose two of my people in two days."

"Jen, can we just move past this? I'm sorry for leaving and getting drunk, okay? I'm such an idiot and you didn't deserve that–"

"You worried me," she said. "I thought you'd gone missing yourself."

"Well, I didn't," Aaron said. "And I promise you, I wasn't in my right mind. Do you think I would mean to do this to you?"

"You did," JJ said, folding her arms. "You did do this to me."

"Please, Jen, just...can we stop arguing? This isn't helping anybody. We both need each other to stay strong and we can't do that if we're always arguing."

"You're right," JJ said. She walked over to him and hugged him tightly. He really was right. They'd both done wrong in the past forty eight hours and they both needed to get at each other. They were both so deprived of sleep and they needed to refuel. "Can we just go to bed?"

"Yeah," Aaron said, putting his arm around his wife as they walked towards the stairs. "But we should probably check the boys first."

They turned off all the lights and locked the doors and windows and went upstairs. If you turned left at the top of the stairs, you would be at Tyler and Benjamin's bedroom. They shared a bedroom that had a door to a bathroom. That same bathroom was also shared by Henry. Anyway, Tyler and Ben's bedroom was almost always messy. Benjamin was very neat, but his brother often compromised that. Ben's side of the room had a lovely little bookshelf filled with books all neatly arranged, while Tyler's side of the room had toys all over the floor. Coming up the stairs, JJ and Hotch could hear their boys' voices. They walked up to the door and opened it slowly. Both boys were out of their beds, playing in the little fort they'd made in their closet.

"Benjamin, Tyler, what did we say? When you go to bed, you stay in your bed," Hotch told them.

"And, Ben, I told you not to wake Tyler," JJ added, stepping into the room. The boys crawled out of their fort and got into their own beds. They were very well behaved for four year olds. Of course they weren't always well behaved– they were children. But for the most part, they did what they were told and they rarely acted out.

"Grace isn't here, so," Ben retorted, scratching his back. He'd been scratching the damn thing all day and JJ had noticed.

"Do you wake Grace up at night?" Hotch asked, watching JJ approach Benjamin.

"Sometimes, but sometimes not 'cause she's really grumpy when she has a low blood sugar."

"Ben, hold still," JJ said, lifting Ben's night shirt up. Her jaw dropped when she looked at his back. "Aaron, he's got hives."

"From what?" Hotch asked. At this point, Tyler had gotten out of bed as well.

"I don't know. How long have you been scratching your back for?" JJ asked.

"Like, three days. I dunno," Ben said as he shrugged.

"Stay here," JJ said, getting up off of the bed. "Do you know where Grace's cream is?" She asked her husband.

"Bottom drawer of my dresser," Hotch said. They hadn't used Grace's cream in almost a year. One time, she had gotten a different type of insulin and almost immediately after injecting it, she broke out in hives and rashes. Hotch and JJ were confused as hell and they went to Grace's doctor, who told them she was allergic to that type of insulin. Grace started to become very lethargic and the doctor had told them not to worry, as trying different insulin types can trigger allergic reactions. Relieved with his words, JJ and Hotch bought treatment cream for Grace. They'd only had to use it three times. JJ ran off to get it while Hotch coaxed Tyler back to bed.

"Bee hive," Benjamin said. "I've got bee hives on my back."

"You're funny," Hotch said to his son.

JJ was quick to return with the tub of Grace's rash cream. She pulled Ben's shirt up and rubbed the cooling cream all over it, causing him to giggle.

"It tickles!" He exclaimed. "Mommy! It tickles!"

JJ laughed along with her little boy until she was finished. She closed the tub of cream and pulled Ben's shirt back down. He was a very small boy, very skinny, but tall. He had brown hair, which nobody quite knew where it came from, and a set of captivating blue eyes, just like his mother. Tyler, on the other hand had the same blue eyes, yet the same blonde hair as his mother.

"Okay, now go to sleep," Hotch said, turning off the light. JJ followed him out of the room and they trusted that the boys would fall asleep within a few minutes. They had to. With all the playing they'd done that day, they had to be tired. But that's the thing with kids. They never fall asleep.

* * *

Grace was sitting at the kitchen table, eating a sandwich. The woman had tested her and made sure her blood sugar was stable before letting her eat. She left shortly after and got into her car, but Grace didn't know that because she couldn't hear. She did not know all that much about kidnapping. In fact, she didn't know what kidnapping was to begin with. She sat at the table, eating her sandwich when she felt an overwhelming sensation of itchiness on her thighs. The little girl pulled up her skirt and to her shock, a few raised red patches covered her skin. She started to scratch at them since they were so painful. She really needed her Mommy to make it okay, but Mommy left her. She didn't like Mommy right now.

A light started to flash in the hallway and Grace got up and knew somebody was at the door. She reached up and unlocked the locks and opened it. A man with a package was standing there.

"Hello," he said. Grace didn't understand.

[Me, Deaf,] Grace signed. [You, hearing?]

The man realized that Grace couldn't understand him, so he pointed to the big box and tried making up a sign for 'mother'. Grace still didn't understand. She reached out for the box, but the man wouldn't give it to her. He put the box under his arm and reached into his pocket and took out a pen and paper. He scribbled something down and showed it to Grace.

 _'Is your Mommy or Daddy here?'_

[Mommy,] she signed, recognising some of the words on the paper. [Daddy.] She was getting frustrated now. She had just turned four years old and she could not read yet. She could recognise words on a page, like most other four year olds, but she still found it difficult to spell things and read things. She started to moan and whine in frustration, making the postman uneasy.

"It's okay," he told her, bending down to her level. "I'll come back later." He truly felt horrible for Grace. He hated the way her big blue eyes would tear up when she didn't understand something. She'd push her strawberry blonde hair out of her face whenever she tried reading something on the paper and she looked very cute. He wished she could understand him. He waved goodbye to her and she waved back and he left.

Grace shut the door and locked it. She was going to return to eating her lunch but she decided to look around the house. She was sort of tired and she wanted to sleep, but she knew how much JJ hated it when she fell asleep before bedtime, so she stopped herself. The house was old and Grace found herself upstairs in the woman's bedroom. It was small and only had a bed, a side table and a dressing table. On the side table, there was a picture of a little girl, a little older than Grace in a frame. The girl was blonde and she looked very happy. She wondered who it could be. She left the room out of disinterest and jumped when she saw the woman coming upstairs.

[What are you doing?] the woman asked angrily. She was pointing to the stairs. [Get down there now, you are not allowed in here.]

Grace frowned and went downstairs. She found it odd that she wasn't allowed in the woman's bedroom, considering she was allowed into her parents' room. She made her way into the kitchen and continued eating her sandwich, contemplating whether or not to tell her about the man with the box.

* * *

"What are you up to?" Hotch asked his wife as he walked into the living room. JJ was sitting on the sofa, on the phone. She covered it and looked up at him.

"There's a lead," she whispered, putting it back up to her ear.

Hotch sat with JJ for a little while until she finished on the phone. She put it down beside her and changed her position on the sofa.

"Is it good?" Hotch asked.

"A delivery guy went to a house and he thinks it was Grace who opened the front door. He said he called the police and they went to the house and it was empty. They're doing a sweep of it now, to see if any traces of her are there."

"Do you think it's her?" Hotch asked.

"I've got a feeling she's okay," JJ said, pulling her knees up to her chest. "They told me the guy couldn't communicate with the girl because she couldn't talk. It has to be Grace."

"Did they give you a description?" Hotch wondered. "He had to have gotten a description of her."

"Very short, had golden hair and freckles. It's gotta be Grace, right?"

"Jen, a short girl with golden hair and freckles, not to mention can't communicate...that's Grace."

* * *

[Stay still,] the blonde woman signed to Grace as they stopped at a restaurant just off the highway. Grace was wearing a dress over a white shirt and shoes that were a little too big for her. She liked these clothes, but they weren't hers. She wondered where her school uniform was, her tights and her kilt and her polo. She was starting to feel a little uneasy. Maybe her Mommy didn't mean to leave her at school. She missed Mommy and Daddy and her brothers, but especially Benjamin. She was very close to him and they had never been apart this long. She missed playing with him and curling up under a big blanket with him. And now she was cold and she felt sick and lonely.

[Put this on,] the woman said, throwing the girl a beanie. It would cover her hair and her forehead, plus it was much quicker than dying her hair. Why would she want to dye her hair anyway? That ginger–blonde was a very pleasing colour. She'd never seen anything like it.

Grace put the hat on and the woman sped off. They were headed for the border that separated DC and Pennsylvania. Grace felt very scared by this point and she was cold and wanted a cuddle. She started to moan and kick the seat. She felt horribly poorly and hungry. The woman felt Grace's kick and she looked into the rear view mirror, where Grace was moving her hands.

[Hungry,] she signed as tears began to fall down her face. It was a horrible sight to see. Her parents had always told her to tell them when she was feeling ill, but this lady wasn't her parent. She suddenly didn't feel alright telling her.

The woman signed annoyedly and pulled over. It was getting dark outside and she was getting a bit tired. She wasn't planning on running just yet. But plans always change. She got out of the car and went around to the back. She opened the trunk and took out Grace's testing supplies and some crackers and cheese. It wouldn't last that long. She went around to Grace's side and opened the car door and pulled her finger towards her. She gave it a quick prick and squeezed a big bead of blood out of it. Grace never squeezed a lot of blood out of her fingers. Next, the woman put Grace's blood into the sugar meter and waited for a number. Meanwhile, Grace stared at the prick mark on her finger. It made her upset. Mommy usually did that.

[Have these,] the woman said after reading Grace's blood sugar. It was dangerously low, but she wasn't about to tell her that. She figured, with all those crackers and cheese, she would get full and fall asleep or something. She got back in the car on the driver's side and continued going down the road. She was worried that the police would raid her house and figure out where they'd gone, but she'd changed her plans several times, as well as cars. She had this whole thing figured out.

* * *

 **She's getting away! This is some sort of a plot twist, okay? Anyway, I have exams in the coming week so I won't be able to upload for a short while. But you can always find out what I'm doing by checking out my Instagram: andreajandersen and my Twitter: flunkykepner. Thanks for reading and please review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 is here! I had a hard time writing this and I'm not sure I like it. Oh well, I hope you guys do. Also, please review. I only got one review last chapter and I was disappointed. Please review and let me know how it's going!**

* * *

"Em? Emily?" JJ questioned, pressing her phone to her ear with her shoulder as she closed the door. She dropped her keys in the bowl by the front door and kicked her snow boots off. "I've just walked the boys down to the bus stop...I can talk."

"Can you switch to video?" Emily asked. She waited a moment and JJ stayed silent. "JJ?"

"Wait," JJ said as she figured out how to switch to video chat. She was now sitting in the laundry room, folding the children's clothes. She wasn't really a laundry person if she were being honest. It was mostly her husband's job. "Hold on." She switched it to video chat and Emily appeared on the screen.

"What time is it there?" Emily asked. "I'm sorry, I should know this."

JJ laughed to herself and looked up at the wall clock. "Just after nine–"

"How are you?" Emily asked quietly and seriously. She made sure to enunciate her words. "After everything?"

JJ felt a small twinge in her heart. Her sweet Grace. Her poor baby girl. She wasn't sure how to feel. She continued folding shirts as she looked up at her phone.

"I don't know," she admitted. "I'm worried, Em. We got a lead last week and the police found Grace's shoes in the house she was supposedly at. But no Grace. They're still looking, but...I don't know. I'm so lost."

"How are the boys?" Emily asked. She watched sadness cross Jennifer's face as she dropped the small . She looked like she was about to start crying. She remembered when the triplets were born and in the first few pictures of JJ holding them, she was crying. They were happy tears. She was so overjoyed to finally meet her babies. She looked a lot different now, though. She looked very pale and tired. It wouldn't be a surprise if she lost ten pounds overnight.

"Coping," JJ began as she organised the kids' clothes into separate bins. "I think it hit Ben the hardest, you know, Em? He's acting out, and you know he's not like that. He's not sleeping, he's having naps in the afternoon when we've taught him not to...I just think this whole thing has crushed him."

"Is he at school?" Emily asked. "JJ, he's missing Grace. It's normal for kids to act out. Ben's a good boy, I think you and Hotch just have to talk to him."

"You're right," JJ said. "But there's so much going on, I won't have time."

"There's always time for your kids."

"I know," JJ said to her friend as she picked up a small blue shirt out of the laundry pile. Emily had gotten each of the kids shirts from London and had gotten them little souvenirs to go along with them. They wore their shirts often and it was a constant reminder of their aunt's presence.

"What's going on besides this ordeal?" Emily wondered. She was sitting in her office, eating Chinese food. It looked late, but it was just past 6 there. "How are things?"

"Rough, Em," JJ began as she continued to fold clothes. "One of the boys was playing on the driveway and they dented the SUV. It's nothing compared to what's going on with Grace, but none of them have admitted to it...that's probably because I haven't asked yet."

"Why haven't you asked?"

"It's not important," JJ dismissed with her hand. "I don't know. Everything with Grace has just sorta clouded my mind. I can't focus on anything anymore–"

"JJ, you have to let someone help you," Emily said softly, looking at her friend. "You need someone there."

JJ scoffed. "I'm fine, really. It just feels like I'm sick, but I'm not contagious. Like, everything's going by so fast. Why is the world turning so fast? Why can't it slow down?"

"The world doesn't stop for anyone," Emily said to her friend. "You have to keep up with it, but it's difficult, JJ, I know that...but you need help from someone. When does Aaron get back?"

JJ shrugged as she pushed a completed bin aside. "He's supposed to call tonight...I don't know. He's in Massachusetts right now and he's supposed to be there for two nights. I can handle two nights, Emily."

"I don't wanna underestimate you, but two nights is a lot. And even after that. You're both trying to cope–"

"Emily, we're fine. As long as the boys are okay, we can focus on getting Grace back. We'll be fine, okay?"

Emily sighed as her office phone rang. "Can I call you back later tonight?" She asked.

JJ nodded and grabbed her phone off of the bench in the laundry room. She had leaned her phone on there so she could fold laundry while talking to her friend.

"Yeah," she said. "See you."

* * *

The afternoon came slowly. JJ had been fast asleep on the couch when the doorbell rang. It scared her and she got up and answered it. Her face fell when her boys were waiting there.

"How long were you there for?" She asked, helping Benjamin and Tyler take off their jackets. "I'm sorry, I fell asleep."

"Not long," Jack said, hanging his coat up in the closet. "Only a few minutes. It's getting warmer."

"I'm sorry," JJ said, ruffling Henry's now dark blonde hair. It had gotten darker in the past year. "Oh, I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault," Jack said. "I know you're tired."

JJ kissed Jack's forehead and went into the kitchen to get a snack. She had set each of the kids' baskets out by the stairs. She'd done their laundry earlier and they were supposed to take it to their bedrooms. Jack immediately picked up his navy blue bucket and brought it down the hall to his bedroom. His room was on the main floor. Henry was usually good at doing his chores, so he grabbed his green bucket and brought it upstairs. There were now three buckets left that the boys would take up later. Tyler had a baby blue one, Benjamin had a yellow one and Grace had a baby pink one.

"Thank you for taking your clothes, I appreciate that," JJ said as she flicked the kettle on.

"Can I bring Grace's stuff up?" Benjamin asked. "Please?"

"I have officers coming in an hour to go through Grace's room and they really don't want people being in there. Even Mommy and Daddy aren't allowed in there."

"What are the officers gonna do?" Ben asked.

"They're gonna look around Grace's room and get DNA evidence so we can help find her," JJ said as she grabbed a tea bag and dropped it into her mug. She wasn't a huge tea drinker but she had it every once in a while.

"I wanna go outside," Tyler said. "But it looks really bad out there. It was sunny last week and there were flowers, but now it's snowing."

"The weather's weird, isn't it?" JJ said, pouring two cups of chocolate milk for the boys. "I'm sure we'll have an indoor practice tomorrow night."

"Do you think Daddy can come?" Tyler asked. "And Grace?"

"I don't know," JJ said, handing the boys their milk. "Daddy's working in Massachusetts right now, and I'm gonna call him tonight to see when he's getting back."

"What about Grace?" Benjamin asked.

"I don't know, either," JJ said. "But I can't call her because–"

"Because we don't know where she is," Tyler said, interrupting his mother.

"Yeah," JJ said.

"Oh," Benjamin said to himself. His sad eyes met JJ's and they connected. He was clearly very upset. "I want her to come back home."

"Me too," JJ replied, walking around the counter. She put her arms around her boys and kissed both of their heads. "We'll get her back, I know we will."

Jennifer had shown the officers to Grace's bedroom and she left them on their own. She was part of law enforcement for God's sake, but she was not about to insert herself into this situation. She wanted to look for Grace so badly on her own, but how could she do so without losing her mind? More importantly, she wanted the boys to understand what was going on. But they were so young and innocent. And they didn't deserve this at all.

"Boys, can you come here for a sec?" JJ called from the laundry room. "Move your stuff please! Boys!"

"Coming!" Henry shouted as he ran down the stairs. He slid through the hallway and ended up right outside the laundry room. JJ was holding his hockey bag out for him. She had cleaned it and made sure it was all ready for his next practice. "It's all clean? Thank you!" He was a very appreciative child and his mother was forever thankful for him.

The other three boys practically trampled over each other trying to get into the room where their mother was giving them their sports bags. One by one, the boys took their sports bags out of the laundry room. Jack and Benjamin had soccer bags, while Tyler and Henry had hockey bags. It certainly divided everything up because little Grace was alone with her dance, but she expressed a desire for learning how to skate. Her parents would certainly not be afraid of teaching her.

"Jack, can you take Grace's stuff to our bedroom?" JJ asked. "Not hers."

"Yeah," Jack said as he made his way upstairs. Henry had gone outside to play in the snow, which left JJ and her little boys alone.

They were sitting in the living room together. Benjamin was off in his own little world, reading his book, while Tyler wanted to watch TV. JJ didn't mind them watching TV, but she wanted to talk to them. She wanted to talk about Grace because she was not sensing any sort of understanding in her smaller boys. She sort of sat and contemplated it for a few seconds before she quickly came to the conclusion that she should start talking sooner or later. She's excellent at avoiding; her whole family is.

"Ben, Tyler," she said, grabbing both of their attention. "Okay, I have to talk to you about something and I want you to ask me questions as soon as you don't understand. Can you do that?" Both boys nodded.

"Is it what you told Jack about girls?" Tyler asked. "Like when you wanna have babies and stuff?"

"No, no," JJ said. "You're not getting the talk for a long time. I wanna talk to you about Grace."

"What about Grace?" Ben asked, putting his little book down beside him. He was halfway through that thing and he'd stuck his finger near the spine to hold his page.

"So you know how Grace went missing?" The boys nodded, making JJ continue. "Okay, so Grace was taken by a lady at her school. You with me? Grace was playing when that lady came and took her. The woman took Grace home with her–"

"Then get her back," Benjamin said. "You can call that woman and ask her for Grace back." The look on his face confused JJ. If only he could see both sides of the picture.

"But we don't know that woman, right? So that's why we got the police to help us." JJ told the boys. They exchanged looks before looking back up at their mother.

"But you're the police," Tyler said. "You can find Grace."

"Yeah, but we need help," JJ said. "So we got other police officers." She watched as her boys' faces lit up in understanding.

"What about Grace's sugar? And what about when she feels sick?" Ben asked. He was so concerned for his sister; it pained JJ. "Grace is sick every night."

"Grace is sick every night," Jennifer told her sons. "But we think she's with somebody who wants her to be safe and healthy."

"Then why did she take her from us?" Tyler asked. "You're confusing me."

"I'm sorry if you don't understand," JJ said. "But it's so hard to explain–"

"Your phone's ringing," Tyler said. JJ got up and ran over to the kitchen counter, where her phone sat.

"I know," she said, answering it as she walked into the office. She closed the door, leaving Benjamin and Tyler sitting in the living room.

"D'ya think the police will find Grace?" Ben asked. "Do ya?"

"I hope they do," Tyler responded. "But I'm worried she'll be really sick."

"A low blood sugar?" Ben asked. "She'll be all grumpy and what if that woman doesn't know how to make her all better? Mommy? Mommy?"

"Hold on!" JJ called from the office. "One minute!"

"Grace is so grumpy sometimes, you know that?" Tyler said. Tyler and Grace did not get along when Grace had a low blood sugar. She used to hit him when she was mad; all three of the triplets used to hit and shout when they didn't get their way. You could mostly attribute it to Grace's low blood sugar but it wasn't right to just not blame her. Only recently they had learned how to deal with a situation calmly. Benjamin and Tyler always knew when Grace had a low blood sugar because of how she acted. She would be very upset and whiny, and she'd have a tantrum and fall asleep afterwards. It would always be a rough night and a better morning, but it was still something they had to get through day by day.

* * *

"Keep the water in the tub, please," JJ told Benjamin as he kicked the water around in the jacuzzi tub in the master bathroom. Jennifer and Aaron bathed their children in there every three days and they absolutely loved it. They were still very small and enjoyed all the space to play around in. Tonight, they had filled it with bubble bath and the boys were having fun playing in it. "The tub is for water, okay?"

"Mommy, can you put more bubbles in it?" Tyler asked as his mother began to work shampoo into his golden hair.

"Yeah, more bubbles, Momma!" Benjamin followed. JJ finished with the shampoo before reaching over to grab the bubble bath. It was in a _Johnson's_ bottle because it was the best brand they'd used. By the time the kids were usually done in the bath, the whole upstairs floor smelled like baby powder and childhood. Childhood. JJ hated the smell of childhood. For her, it was her father's smoke and her mother's whisky. It was her sister's perfume and her brother's football cleats. And then it was death and everything in between. God, it clouded her goddam mind every day. Not as much as her daughter being missing, but it came close.

"Mommy, the soap's in my eye!" Tyler exclaimed as he covered his blue eyes. JJ grabbed a flannel from the sink and wiped her son's eyes. He looked so much like her. You'd probably get his and Henry's baby pictures mixed up if it weren't for Tyler's baby pictures being in the hospital, hooked up to life machines. The triplets had certainly come a very long way.

"Do my shampoo now," Ben said as he dropped a plastic car into the water, making a huge splash. "Please?"

"Benjamin, please stop splashing," JJ said as she grabbed the shampoo for him. She squeezed a dollop onto her right hand and started to work it into his head.

"I love when you do that, Momma," Ben said, closing his eyes as a smile plastered across his face. "You do it good."

"I do?" JJ said. "Better than Daddy? 'Cause he thinks he's better than me."

"You do it better," Benjamin responded. "Daddy leaves the shampoo in too long."

"I'll have to talk to Daddy about that, won't I?" JJ said as she started to wash the shampoo out of Tyler's hair. She was very good at managing a lot of things at once. People usually wondered how the hell she did it.

"Can we play in here after our hair's done?" Ben asked as he dunked toy cars into the water. He moved over to the bath toy rack and grabbed a couple of other toys and threw them into the tub. He was huge on throwing things, that boy. The other toys were now in the bath. They were little animals that would float to the top and the children loved them a lot. They got really excited over everything.

"You can play right now while I get your towels, okay? But you guys have to go to bed soon, so after I do your hair, you can only play for a few minutes," JJ told the boys. She did not want to leave the room, but she had to grab some towels. It was something she should have done before she put the boys in the bath, but she couldn't exactly get around it now.

"How long will you be?" Tyler wondered as he sat on the little seating part of the tub.

"A few seconds," JJ said. "Watch each other."

The boys sat in the same spot for ten seconds while their mother went to get towels. She came back with a blue towel and a yellow towel and she dumped them beside the bath. She finished washing out the boys' hair and started to wash their bodies. Bath time was certainly the longest experience of her life.

"Mom–oh," Henry said as he pushed the bathroom door open, only to see his brothers in the tub being cleaned. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Henry," JJ mentioned as she gently cleaned Ben's back. His hives were still prominent. "They're just playing. What do you need?"

"Um, I'm having a shower and I'm looking for a spare towel," he said. The seven year old eyed the stack of spare towels in the closet beside him. "Got it," he said as he walked into the closet. He took a cream towel and slipped out of the room.

"Henry?" JJ called from the bathroom as she washed Tyler' arms. Henry poked his head around the door.

"Yeah?"

"Can you tell me what time it is?"

Henry went over to Hotch's side table and took a look at the clock. He could have seen the time from where he was standing before, except he wasn't wearing his glasses.

"It's eight o'clock," Henry said. "I'm gonna go have a shower now."

"Come in and say goodnight when you're done, okay?" JJ said. She finished washing the boys and was now playing with them. She loved playing with them a lot. They were really fun people to be around and they always loved making you smile.

"Yep!" Henry said as he left the room.

"Night night, Henry!" Ben and Tyler said as their older brother left the room.

"Night!" Henry called from the hallway as he went into the kids bathroom.

"We should probably get you guys out of the bath before you turn into prunes," JJ said as she lifted Tyler out of the bath. He took off as soon as JJ let go of him and he ran across the bathroom tile, into the bedroom. The thing is, he was soaking wet and he really didn't care. "Tyler, come back!"

JJ lifted Benjamin out of the bathtub and he ran off. They had done this multiple times since they hated drying off and would rather run around naked. It wasn't rare to see three four year olds running around the house naked after their bath. Jennifer took the toys out of the water and drained the tub. As the tub was draining, she grabbed the boys' towels and rushed out of the master bedroom. She'd made it out to the hallway when she saw Jack escorting Benjamin towards their mother.

"No running around naked tonight," JJ said, laughing as she wrapped a fluffy yellow towel around her little boy. "Thanks Jack. Do you know where Tyler is?"

"Tyler's running around naked too?" Jack asked. "Oh God, again?"

"Yeah," Jennifer said with a laugh. "Tyler! Mommy wants you!"

"You have to find me!"

JJ knew exactly where he was. He always hid in the cupboard under the stairs to the attic. She crept over to the cupboard and opened the door. Tyler was sitting on the floor, giggling.

"You need to dry off, bug," she told him as she wrapped his blue towel around his little body. It was like a giant cloak compared to him. "Let's go dry off and get changed."

Jennifer walked her boys back to the master bedroom. She closed the door and helped them both dry off. They could dry themselves, but the whole bath process already took long enough, so she liked to speed it up.

"Mommy," Ben began as JJ started to dry Tyler's hair with his towel. "Why are you and Grace girls and why is everyone else boys?"

JJ knew she'd get the question eventually, but she wasn't expecting it to come now. She had read countless articles about children and sexuality and she wasn't quite ready for the two words to associate just yet. She looked at both of her sons and saw that Tyler was equally as interested as his brother.

"Because Mommy and Grace have special parts in their bodies so they can have babies, and Daddy, Jack, Henry and you guys have special parts in your bodies so you can help make a baby." She wasn't sure how she felt about her explanation, but she figured they'd take it and move on.

"So Grace and you can have a baby?" Tyler asked. "That's why we have different parts, right? You and Grace have girl parts and me and everyone else has boy parts."

"That's right, Tyler, but Grace can't have a baby yet because she's not old enough. Boys and girls have different parts because those parts make a baby."

"Is that what private parts are?" Tyler asked as he pulled on his pyjama pants. He then sat down and got his socks on.

"Uh huh," JJ said as she dried Ben's hair with his towel. "Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. Do you know why they're private parts?"

"Yeah," Tyler said. "Because they are for us only."

"Right," JJ said as she grabbed the boys' towels off of the floor and brought them into the bathroom. "Private parts are yours only, not anybody else's, so you're only allowed to go naked at home, okay?"

"Okay," both boys said as they tidied their hair.

"Can Grace go naked too?" Tyler asked. "Even if she's a girl?"

"Yes," JJ said. "You can go naked at home, but it's better to have clothes on, alright?"

"Yeah," Tyler said. You could tell he was getting restless. Kids are always restless.

By the time JJ had cleaned up, the boys were scrimmaging on the bed, having forgotten what they'd talked about just a minute before. She couldn't help but grab her phone off of the dressing table. She took a picture and sent it to her husband. She smiled as she watched the boys play happily. It was like the sun was starting to peer through the clouds. Watching the boys play made her think about how little they used to be. Where did the time go? That's the thing with kids. They're little one minute and big the next. You can't close your eyes or you'll miss everything. That was something JJ had learned.

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 **I hope you liked this chapter. Please review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Updating again! I really don't want to have to ask you guys every time I post, but can you please do me a quick favour and review? It is really discouraging to see two or three (if I'm lucky) reviews with each chapter. I really appreciate you all reading, but it would be nice to receive some feedback. Let me know what you want to see more of or tell me what you liked best. I don't know. I just love reviews. Anyway, enjoy chapter 7!**

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Rubbing her tired eyes, JJ looked at the clock. It had just hit five and there was knocking at her door. She got out of bed and covered Ben and Tyler up. They often slept in the master bedroom when their father was away. JJ pulled a sweater on and went downstairs. There was more knocking, except it was quieter this time. She looked out the window beside the door and saw a woman with dark hair, holding a bag. Since Grace had gone missing, they had left their front light on at night in case she came home. She quickly put the alarm code in to stop it from sounding and opened the door.

"JJ," the woman said, opening her arms.

"Emily," Jennifer said in disbelief as she accepted her friend's hug. They stayed like that for a few moments until JJ invited her in. "You're here."

"I had to," Emily said with a faint smile on her face. "You need me."

Both women walked into the house and Jennifer turned on some of the lights that lead to the kitchen. JJ led Emily to the guest room and flipped on the light. The guest room was on the main floor and was usually used as a play room. It was tidy, which JJ was thankful for. It was a fresh light blue colour with white covers and it had drawers that were opposite the bed. There were high ceilings and it was an extravagant room for a barely used guest room.

"Are the boys okay?" Emily asked as she placed her duffle bag onto the bed.

"We had a bit of a talk after bath time," JJ said with a scoff as she folded her arms.

"What kind of talk?"

"Why they're boys and why Grace and I are girls. It went well," JJ said as she closed the curtains. "But they know that it's probably better to wear clothes around the house. They love running around naked."

Emily laughed. "What did you tell them?"

"Just that we have different parts for different reasons and they're supposed to be private parts," JJ told her friend. "They thought I'd give them the same talk I gave Jack the other day."

"Aw, they're growing up," Emily said after she chuckled a little. "I mean, they're all gonna grow up at some point."

"And when the time comes, Grace will get a talk...or a sign," JJ said. "God, Emily, thank you for being here."

"It's nothing, JJ," Emily said as she took stuff out of her bag. "I want to help you, you can't go through this alone."

* * *

"Be quiet because Aunty Emily's sleeping in the next room," JJ told her boys as she put her index finger up to her lips. She was in the middle of packing the boys' lunches when they came downstairs. They all went and made breakfast for themselves.

"So, why is Emily here?" Jack asked. "Aunty Emily's not supposed to come until Easter."

"Um, she just thought it would be nice to visit in January," JJ answered as she put sandwiches into containers one by one.

"Is Aunty Emmy here to find Grace?" Benjamin asked as he jumped up onto a bar stool with a banana in his hand.

"Ben, please get something else," Jennifer said. "Tyler, you too. A banana isn't enough. And no, Ben, Emily is not here to find Grace."

"Good morning," Emily said as she opened the guest room door. She walked down the hallway, into the kitchen and greeted everyone.

"Em, sorry to wake you," JJ said as she zipped up everyone's lunch bags. "Boys, please sit down and eat your breakfast." She then turned to Emily. "Do you want anything?" She asked.

Emily shrugged. "I'm fine for now," she told her friend. "I ate on the plane."

"Emily," JJ said as her face fell. "That's not enough. You have to eat. Do you want toast? Or pancakes? We can go out–"

"I wanna go out!" Henry said. "I wanna go out for breakfast!"

"Henry, please," JJ said, pouring orange juice into four cups. "You guys need to be out of here in half an hour. Tyler, your collar isn't straight."

"JJ, I'm fine. I'll think about it when the boys go," Emily said.

"Are you sure?" JJ asked, buttoning Tyler's uniform polo up. "You can grab anything you want."

"You are SUCH a mother!" Emily scoffed. "Jayje, I'm fine."

"Okay," JJ said softly. "Hey, Jack, Lucas is driving you to football tonight, okay?"

Jack nodded as he brought his empty bowl over to the sink. He was a very fast eater.

"What time?" He asked.

"Five thirty," JJ answered, reading from the little notepad that sat beside the house phone in the kitchen.

"That's early," Jack commented. "Did Coach say why?"

"No but it ends early, so there was probably a conflict. Can you help Ben with his soccer stuff? He's going straight to soccer after school."

"I'll do it," Emily said as she went into the laundry room. She knew their house like the back of her hand. She stepped into the laundry room and to no surprise, the laundry machine was going. There were two full clothing baskets on the floor and in the corner of the room, there sat a few sports bags and two hockey sticks. She spotted Grace's dancing bag and some of her leotards and tutus were hanging over the dryer. Emily went through the bags until she found the one with Ben's name on it. Aaron had written it in icing-looking stuff. All the parents did it. She picked up the blue bag and carried it out to the kitchen.

"Grace's insulin's coming today," Henry said. "Isn't it?"

Grace's insulin always came on Monday morning. JJ or Hotch would always collect it as they were leaving to drop the boys at the bus stop. Grace's insulin delivery had been halted since her disappearance and the pharmacy was incredibly sympathetic about it. They'd sent cards and letters and all and they said they'd be ready to send supplies as soon as Grace was found.

"Not today, Henry," JJ said as she cleared the boys' bowls. "Someday." The boys went off and got ready. Emily approached JJ and set Ben's soccer bag on the chair.

"Do you want this anywhere?" She asked, fiddling with the handles.

"Just leave it there," JJ said softly, in her usual motherly-like tone. She was putting the boys' lunch boxes into their backpacks.

"Do you like being at home?" Emily asked as she sat at the kitchen counter. She picked at the fruit that sat in the bowl in the middle of the island.

"Depends," JJ said shortly as she wiped the countertops down with a purple rag. She sighed as she bent down to pick up one of the kids' toys. "Some days are nice, but most days are...I don't even know."

"Is that why you like working away so much? Because you're good at being a mother and a federal agent," Emily said with a smile. JJ had brought the purple rag into the laundry room and taken out a yellow one and placed it on the counter. She ran a glass under the tap and got water for herself.

"Thanks, Em," JJ said before taking in the entire glass of water. "I like working away because it's a new case every day and I get to catch the bad guys, but I like working at home because it's something new every day and kids are only small for so long...I really don't want to miss them grow up."

"JJ, you need to relax at some point," Emily said softly as she eyed the clock. "Let me walk the boys to the bus stop."

"No, Emily, you're a guest," JJ said, bringing Benjamin's soccer bag to the front door. She looked tired and worn out. It was to be expected of a mother of a missing child, but Emily wasn't used to seeing her best friend this way. "Boys! Let's go!"

The boys came downstairs with their hair combed and their teeth brushed, like usual, and they went to the front door to get ready. Each of them put their indoor shoes into their backpacks and put on snow boots. Emily watched as JJ helped the younger boys put their coats on. She looked so soft and gentle, like her edges weren't quite defined yet. This environment made Jennifer look like a feather amongst leaves. Emily couldn't quite explain it, but she knew it made her feel a certain way.

"I'm just walking the boys–" JJ began before Emily interrupted her.

"Up the road and to the right. I know," the brunette said with a soft smile. "Do you want me to come?"

"If you want," JJ said as she grabbed her keys from the terrific porcelain bowl that sat on the table in the foyer. In that bowl there were mostly things that didn't have a place. There were bouncy balls and papers and toys from _Kinder Eggs_ and all sorts of stuff that should be thrown out. She put her peabody coat on and unlocked the door.

"I put my stuff in the closet, didn't I?" Emily asked as she walked into the foyer. JJ was making sure Ben and Tyler had their stuff as her friend opened the closet and got her coat and boots. "London isn't nearly as cold as here," she said.

"We've had wonky weather," JJ commented as she smoothed over Tyler's golden hair with her left hand. His hair was so soft and it was starting to get long.

Once Emily had gotten ready, she closed the closet and JJ let the boys out. They usually walked to the bus stop on their own since it wasn't too far away, while whoever was home drove Grace to her school. It wasn't too often that a parent walked the boys to the bus stop.

"It's not really cold today," Jack said, itching to take his coat off.

"Don't even think about it," Jennifer said as she caught hands with Benjamin. Tyler and Henry were up ahead, walking side by side.

Emily walked beside JJ and Ben. The sidewalks were quite large, given it was a small, sparse neighbourhood. The houses were pretty far apart and you had to walk down the road to get to the next one. There were loads of trees and every house was sort of private. Each driveway was long and each mailbox looked the same. You would probably call it toy town, except each house was different and not at all the size of a toy. Emily enjoyed walking through the neighbourhood, admiring the trees and the birds and the snow that was everywhere.

"What's going on at school today?" Emily asked casually, stuffing her cold hands into the pockets of her black peabody coat.

"We're doing eye tests," Tyler said. "To see if we need glasses."

"Me and Ben already have glasses," Henry said. "But they test everyone because they have to."

Emily nodded. "That's cool. What else are you doing at school?"

"Art," Benjamin said with a smile on his face. "We get to do art!"

"What kind of art?" Emily asked.

"Finger painting," the little boy replied. "I'm gonna make a picture for Grace."

Arriving at the bus stop, JJ let her son's hand go. The boys all shared the same bus stop despite going to different schools. Jack's middle school bus stop was right beside Henry, Tyler and Ben's bus stop. There weren't any other kids at the stop since there weren't many kids in that neighbourhood. It was nice and peaceful and they spent a few minutes standing and talking. The boys played in the snow while they waited, much to JJ's dismay.

"Jack's bus is coming," JJ said as she watched the yellow vehicle round the bend. Jack's bus always came first. The younger boys' bus came about five minutes later.

The bus pulled up and JJ and Emily said goodbye to Jack. JJ gave him a kiss and let him go. She folded her arms and watched as the bus took off with her son. She checked the time on her watch and looked at her friend.

"Does Grace ever come with you to drop the boys off?" Emily asked.

"Not really. They can usually walk themselves and get on the right bus, which is great when both of us are working, but I feel bad letting them doing it when I drive their sister to school," JJ said. "I thought about leaving a little earlier and dropping the boys off, but that's almost two hours in the car each morning and it's a lot of gas."

"I get it," Emily said.

"But I do bring Grace every once in a while, when she's got an appointment or something. She usually just sits on the bench with Ben, though. She doesn't play in the snow unless she's at home or school," JJ said. "I miss her."

"Is this their bus?" Emily said as she spotted another bus coming around the bend.

"Yeah," JJ said. "Boys!"

"Coming!"

The bus pulled up and JJ kissed Henry, Tyler and Benjamin and watched them get on the bus. Ben and Tyler usually sat together, while Henry sat with his friends. JJ and Emily waved to them as the bus left.

"Couple minutes early," JJ commented as she looked at her watch. "Do you want to go out for coffee? Tea? There's a new coffee shop in Capitol Hill, actually...it just opened a few weeks ago. I went in and I knew you'd love it."

"That sounds nice," Emily said as the two women made their way back to the house. "I was on my laptop on the plane and I was looking through emails and I came across a video you sent two months ago of Grace–"

"The dog one?" JJ asked.

"Yeah," Emily said as a smile crept across her face. "She was signing to the dogs and getting frustrated when they barked at her. That girl."

JJ laughed. "It's a favourite of mine," she said. "And what about the one where she's playing piano? Beethoven, I think."

"That one, too," she said. "She's amazing, JJ, I wish she could be here so I can hear her...no, I wish she could hear herself. But that dog video...she's great with them. Have you thought about getting her one?"

"We're getting one whenever a trained one is available," JJ answered, much to Emily's surprise. "We applied when the triplets were almost two, so we should have one soon. They're telling us around summertime. June, maybe?"

"A trained dog?"

"Yeah," JJ said. "We've been wanting one since we found out Grace had type one."

"JJ!" Emily exclaimed, turning to her friend. "That's exciting! What are you getting the dog trained for?"

"It'll be a hearing dog and a diabetic alert dog. Emily, Grace has been wanting one since she learned sign," JJ said. "So for her to finally get one...I don't know, I'm just so happy."

* * *

Emily and JJ arrived home and made tea for themselves. JJ went into the office to grab the case files while Emily turned on the TV. JJ was opening drawers and sifting through cabinets when she heard her friend's voice coming from the living area.

"JJ?" She said warily. "JJ."

"I'm here," JJ said, rushing out of the office with a large stack of files. She squinted so she could see the TV and continued walking over to her friend.

"Look," Emily said breathlessly. She pointed to the screen, where the local news station was talking about a body. A small girl's body.

"A girl's body was found in a forest near Rock Creek Park this morning at six. The body has not been identified, but there is excessive bruising and haemorrhaging, as well as fractures to the skull and ribs," the news anchor said.

"It's not Grace," JJ said, dropping the excessive pile of papers and folders on the couch. She walked towards the TV and grabbed Emily's forearm with considerable strength. "It can't be Grace."

"JJ," was all Emily could say. She was speechless. What if the little girl was Grace? It couldn't be. JJ knew it wasn't. But things were so unpredictable. Her baby girl was so fragile and Jennifer knew Grace couldn't cope well with pain. Both women looked at each other and blinked to clear the tears that had started to form.

"That's my little girl," JJ choked out as she collapsed beside her best friend. It was going to be a long day.

* * *

 **I'm starting on chapter 8 right now, so reviews will totally help me in terms of improving it and keeping you all interested. I hope you liked this chapter. Have a great week!**


	8. Chapter 8

**I am all finished with exams and I am settling into second semester. I have a light load right now, so I have a bit of time for writing. Enjoy chapter 8. If there are more characters you want me to focus on, let me know. Enjoy and review!**

* * *

Dinner had only just been set on the table when Aaron Hotchner arrived home from work. The boys were talking and playing around at the table and JJ and Emily were in the kitchen, cleaning up.

"Hey," Hotch said, coming up from behind his wife. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her cheek.

"Hey yourself," JJ said, turning around to him. She pressed a giant kiss to his lips and they parted with a smile. "How was Massachusetts?"

"I'll be in with the boys," Emily said, winking to the couple.

"We got a break in the case," Hotch said, leaning on the counter. He folded his arms. "Dogs found clothes in a forest just outside Albany and they were the victim's."

"Oh, I wanted to tell you something," JJ said as she grabbed her phone off of the counter.

"You're not pregnant, are you?" He asked jokingly. JJ laughed and clicked around on her phone.

"No!" She blurted out with a huge smile. "No, we've been careful. God, could you imagine?" This was the first time Hotch had seen JJ truly smile since Grace's abduction.

"Then what is it?" Aaron asked as he held back laughter. His wife's smile was contagious. "JJ..." He wouldn't be surprised if she told him she was pregnant. But it really wasn't the right time. They had considered more children a few times, but they had never actually tried for them. After what happened with the triplets, JJ and Hotch decided not to think about anymore kids. It was much too scary and they didn't even want to consider the financial side of things.

"A dog!" JJ exclaimed. She looked high or something, but that was how she was when she was happy. And she hadn't been happy in a long time. "We're getting a dog!"

"JJ, I know that," Hotch said. They'd been in the process of getting a service dog for over two years. A dog was nothing new.

"I got a call just before dinner," JJ said with tears in her eyes. "They have a dog for us. He's a golden retriever. I'm so happy, I haven't even told the boys yet. I want Grace to be here when everyone finds out."

"You're so happy," Aaron said as he cupped his wife's cheeks. "Wow, you make me so happy."

JJ scoffed. "Are you just realising this?"

"No," Hotch said as he pushed Jennifer's baby hairs out of her face. "You always make me happy. But I really needed that today."

"So did I," JJ said. Her head hit his chest as he pulled her in closely. They made each other so damn happy.

* * *

"Never thought you two would join us," Emily joked as she finished pouring milk into each of the boys' cups. She stood up and hugged her former boss. "It's so nice to see you."

"You too," Hotch said. "It's under unfortunate circumstances, but we're glad you're here."

"I'm glad I'm here too," Emily said. Everyone sat down and started to eat right away. They were more hungry than a pack of racehorses after a show. Penelope Garcia used to tell them that all the time.

"So, how was everyone's day?" Henry asked. He was big on table conversations. At least he was friendly about it. There are people who only ask how your day was because they're so bored with their own lives. Henry was good, though. Henry was a nice person and he certainly had nothing to be bored about.

"I had orchestra," Benjamin said as he twisted spaghetti onto his fork. "And all the trumpets got to play a new song."

"That's so cool, Ben," Emily said.

"How did that go?" Hotch asked.

"Good," Ben answered. He was obviously having trouble getting the spaghetti onto the fork. He slammed it down in frustration.

"Let me cut the spaghetti up," JJ said as she leaned across the table to grab his bowl.

"That's my boy," Hotch said.

"But," Ben began as he turned to his father. "It wasn't good 'cause there's only three violins and Grace wasn't there."

"She'll be back soon, you know that?"

Ben nodded. "I know."

"Did you save spaghetti for Jack?" Tyler asked.

"We did," JJ said. "Early football practice sucks, he misses dinner and tonight's his favourite."

"He'll be happy daddy's home though," Benjamin said.

"How did your soccer practice go today?" Emily asked.

"I got so worried when you didn't come on the bus," Henry said. "And then they said you had soccer."

"I scored so many goals," Ben said. "And, there's new sweaters coming out!"

"Oh, more money," JJ said with a laugh as she looked at her husband. "So I bet we'll get seven, right?"

"Huh?"

"Sweaters for the whole family," JJ said. "Seven sweaters."

"Six," Hotch said.

"What?" JJ asked. "There's seven of us."

"But you always end up wearing mine," Aaron answered with a smile.

"Shut up!" JJ exclaimed, clearly embarrassed. Her friends knew she took her husband's clothes, but they didn't know how often.

That got everyone laughing. Jennifer and Aaron were such suckers for each other.

* * *

"Ben and Tyler are down," JJ said exhaustedly as she reached the bottom of the stairs.

"What's wrong with them? You look tired," Emily said, getting up off of the couch. She followed JJ down the hallway and stood behind her as she opened Jack's door.

"Hey, I want you to finish up in here and go to sleep," she said softly.

"Okay," Jack said as his mother closed the door.

"JJ," Emily said.

"The boys were having a fit," JJ said. "Both of them aren't tired. I don't know. They don't act out like this, ever."

"Mommy," she heard just as she sat down on the couch. She rolled her eyes and looked at her friend.

"Yes?" She turned around to see Benjamin standing on the stairs in his onesie. He was holding a teddy bear and a blanket.

"I can't sleep," he said as he got to the bottom of the stairs.

"Well," JJ said as she looked at Emily. "That's why you have a bed. It's late, Benny, you know you're supposed to be in bed."

"Come here," Emily said, much to JJ's surprise. Benjamin dragged his blanket along the floor and crawled onto his aunt's lap. "Sleep," she said.

"Emily, you don't have to do this," JJ said. "Ben knows he's supposed to go upstairs."

"He's having a hard night," Emily said. "Kids have bad nights, too."

JJ stopped talking and watched her small son close his eyes. Emily was rocking him back and forth and rubbing soothing circles on his back.

"Where were we?" Emily asked. "The dog–"

"Not here," JJ said. "Can we talk about it tomorrow morning? I don't want him to...you know..."

"Right," Emily said. "It's getting late, anyway. Do you want to put him upstairs and we can do tea or coffee?"

"Yeah," JJ said, reaching out to take her child.

"I'll do it," Emily said. "Be back in a minute."

* * *

The curtains were drawn and the lights were off. Jennifer and Aaron were settling down for the night. They were lying down, talking about the past few days like they usually did.

"What were you talking about earlier?" JJ asked.

"What?"

"I was so excited over the dog and you thought I was...pregnant," JJ said with a smile. "Do you want more kids?" She asked in surprise.

Hotch smiled softly. "I've always thought about it. But I love where we are right now. Of course...with Grace and all, I'd like to be with her, but–"

"I know," JJ said.

"Do you want more kids?" Hotch asked. "You seem to be open to it."

JJ sat up in the bed. "You know," she started, "I've always wanted Grace to have a sister, but I don't know about going through that whole thing again. Did you see how big I was with the triplets? And I was only pregnant for six months."

Hotch laughed as he flicked on the bedside lamp. He cuddled his wife and said, "I made you that big."

"Do you remember when we talked about giving Jack and Henry a brother or sister?" JJ asked. "And instead we got three. I mean, who knew?"

"I used to think about Jack having siblings, but it never happened. What about you? Did you ever think about giving Henry a sibling?"

"Will and I had a big disagreement, I don't know," JJ said. "I wanted just one more, but Will wanted him to be an only child. We fought all the time over it and Henry would overhear and...I don't know. He wanted a little brother after that."

"And he got two," Hotch said. "And a sister."

"Thanks to you," JJ said, grabbing her husband's chin as she kissed him on his lips. "I can't imagine anything different, can you?"

"Do you really want to give Grace a sister?" Hotch asked.

"I used to," JJ responded, drawing circles on Aaron's chest. "But she loves her brothers and I can't imagine her with a sister, you know? Remember at the twenty week ultrasound how they told us it was three boys?"

"You should've seen the look on your face," Hotch said. "Five boys, imagine that."

"And we didn't know we had a girl until...when?" JJ asked. She barely remembered a lot of the day. She had been so drowsy from all of the medication that she didn't realize she had a daughter until later on.

"I watched them fill out her certificate and they told me she was a girl," Aaron told his wife. "And I told the boys and then I told you, but you didn't realize because you were going in and out of sleep, and then I told everyone else."

"I don't even think we can have any more kids," JJ said quietly. "You were there when the OB told us how low our chances were."

"That was six months ago," Hotch said. "I know people who have been told the exact same thing and they've had more. We're not in a good place to have one right now, but in the future–"

"I can't, though," JJ countered.

"There's adoption and–" Hotch said, listing off all the possible ways they could welcome more children into their lives.

"But I'm happy," JJ said softly. "And if we...I don't know, aren't careful and I get pregnant, we'll take it, but I think we should wait a while before even considering this again."

"Okay," Hotch said gently as he kissed his wife's forehead. "I get it, I feel the same way."

"And if we don't have another baby, at least we're getting a dog. That's like a baby," JJ joked.

"You were so happy earlier," Hotch said. "It made me so happy. I think a dog would do us well, and he'll do wonders for Grace especially."

"Yeah," Jennifer said as she thought about how their family would change once they got a dog. "It's going to be really busy around here. Just when I thought it couldn't get busier."

"Where do you think the dog should sleep?"

"He could have a bed upstairs and downstairs. Grace's bedroom and the living room, maybe?" JJ proposed.

Hotch laughed. "Maybe he'll warn Grace about coming in here when we're spending time together."

"Hopefully," JJ said with a smile. "That reminds me, we haven't spent much time together lately, have we?"

"Not really," Hotch said. "With Grace being missing and work and school, I didn't think we'd get any time together."

"I know," JJ said. "Do you wanna cuddle?"

"You don't have to ask," Hotch said as he wrapped his arms around his wife. "Ever."

"You're so warm," JJ said quietly, as though her voice were breaking. "It's...so...cold in here."

"JJ?" Hotch said slowly as he tipped her chin up. She had started to cry. "JJ, what's wrong?"

"It's one of those weeks," Jennifer responded.

"Okay," Hotch said as he gently stroked his wife's forehead. "What's the matter?"

"I'm not happy," she started to sob. "We were so happy, and then we found out about my dysfunctional ovaries and now our daughter's missing!"

"It's okay," Hotch said softly. He was on the verge of tears, too. He stroked JJ's hair with one hand and drew circles on her bare back with his other. "You are okay."

"Grace isn't sleeping in her bed," JJ said. "How the hell have I been sleeping for the past fifteen nights?"

"You're coping," Aaron said. "I've cried as well. Listen, we're going to cry over this because Grace is our little girl, and we might cry together or alone. And that's okay. It's okay to cry. It took me a long time to figure that out."

JJ looked up at him. Tears were in both of their eyes and they stared at each other for a moment. They hadn't really had a proper cry. They mostly cried alone because they were afraid of scaring each other.

JJ nodded and sniffled. "I want Grace back," she said shakily, holding onto her husband's large frame. "I want G–"

"Mommy? Daddy?"

Jennifer lifted her head from Hotch's chest and looked up to see little Benjamin standing at the door.

"What's up?" Hotch asked, stroking JJ's shoulder. "It's midnight, Bud, you should be sleeping."

As the child approached the bed, both Jennifer and Aaron could see that he was crying. This wasn't the first time it had happened.

"Oh, Benny," JJ said softly, putting her arms out for her son. Benjamin crawled up onto the bed as JJ got her sweatshirt on. "What's wrong?"

"I miss Grace," he said, looking down at the covers. The bedside lamp was on in the room and he was clearly trying to adjust to the light.

"So do we," JJ said through tears as she brought her little boy close to her chest. She kissed his forehead as Hotch got off of the bed and went into the bathroom. "We miss her so much."

"Is Grace okay? Is she hurt?" Ben asked quietly. "I want Grace to be okay."

"We don't know, Baby," JJ said gently, tidying his dark blond hair up with her hand. "We hope she's okay."

Hotch came out of the bathroom with a glass of water and turned off the light. He brought it over to the bed and handed it to Ben.

"Thank you," the four year old said, grabbing the cup with his shaky hands. He took a sip and looked up at his parents. "Are you sad, too?"

"Yeah," JJ said softly, looking at her husband. She looked back at Ben and nodded. "Everyone's sad."

"Are you crying?" Benjamin asked, reaching up and wiping his mother's tears away with his little thumb. "Sad?"

"I'm sad," JJ nodded as her tears started to fall again. "And Daddy's sad as well."

"Daddy's not crying," Ben said. "Sad?"

"Yes, sad," Hotch said, wiping Ben's tears away. "You can be sad and not cry. That's okay."

"It's okay to cry," JJ told her son. "It's okay to be upset."

"I miss Grace," he said once more. "I want that lady to give her back."

JJ started to cry more as she pulled Ben into her arms. She kissed his head and rubbed his arm softly.

"I know," JJ said. "But you have to sleep."

"I can't sleep anymore," Ben moaned, falling against the covers opposite his mother and father.

"Benny, we're all tired, but we're one day closer to getting her back, I promise you," Hotch said quietly, picking Ben up. "Do you wanna sleep in here or in your room?"

"Here," the little boy said, rubbing his tired eyes. "I want my blanket."

"Okay," Hotch said, putting Ben back on the bed. He then made his way to his son's room.

"Here we go," JJ said, tucking Ben into the centre of the bed. She gave him a little pillow and made sure he was right in the middle. "We're all gonna go to sleep now, okay?"

Ben nodded as his mother laid down beside him and started to stroke his hair. It felt so good and he was now tired. He closed his eyes and started to sleep but was interrupted by his father walking in. Hotch put Ben's fluffy green blanket onto the bed and covered him with it. He then switched off the table lamp and got into bed.

"We'll be okay," Hotch said, pressing a kiss to his son's head. "Okay?"

Ben nodded and snuggled up closed to his dad. "Okay," he whispered.

"Goodnight, my sweet boy," JJ said gently, placing a kiss on Ben's cheek. "You are okay."

* * *

The next morning was mostly uneventful. It was Saturday and everyone was awake. They were sitting in the kitchen nook, eating breakfast, when the phone rang. Jennifer and Aaron were quick to claim the call, but the former was the one who got up to answer. JJ seemed serious about it when she started to talk. It was quiet and still in the kitchen while she spoke.

"Who's she talking to?" Tyler whispered to his older brother. Henry shrugged.

"I dunno," Henry whispered back. "Dad, who's she talking to?"

"I don't know," Hotch said as he continued cutting Benjamin's pancake. He poured a bit of syrup on it and passed it across the kitchen table.

"Thank you," JJ said with relief. "Buh-bye." She got off of the phone and walked over to her family.

"Who was it?" Emily asked quietly as she picked up her orange juice. "Anyone important?"

"Yeah," JJ said. It was evident she was working her way through a sigh of relief. "The girl they found, it's not her."

"What girl?" Jack asked. "Grace?"

"Did you find Grace?" Ben asked.

"No," JJ said as she sat down at the breakfast nook. "They found a little girl, but it wasn't Grace. Grace is still missing."

"We're still looking for her," Tyler said. "Right?"

"Of course we are," Hotch said before he took a sip of his coffee. "Always."

* * *

 **I'm listening to "Today Has Been OK" by -Emiliana Torrini and I am considering writing JJ a depression arc. What do you think? Let me know! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Have a wonderful day and remember to smile!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Here is chapter 9. It's not a whole lot, it's just a bit to highlight how JJ is coping. I don't know, people are telling me that JJ and Hotch are "laid back" and acting like Grace isn't missing. You'll learn their ways of coping in this chapter.**

 **Also, shoutout to AndreeaRaducan for the idea of Emily and JJ falling asleep on the couch. It helped with the tone of this piece and I think it is such an intimate scene. Review and let me know what you think!**

* * *

The children had been out of school for just over an hour and she was still in bed. She wasn't a bed person, really, but today was a bad day. She didn't like calling them bad days because every day was a bad day, but today was just a bit worse. Downstairs, she could hear her husband and their friend socialising. They were probably wondering where she was, but at this point, she didn't care.

"JJ?" She heard from the kitchen. "JJ?"

She wished she could fall asleep and stay asleep forever, but she needed her daughter beside her to keep her warm. It was always so damn cold in that room. She could hear footsteps coming up the stairs and down the hallway. Her husband was right at the door now and she was getting more annoyed by the second.

"Jennifer!" Aaron called. This time, he sounded rather angry. "Answer me!"

"I'm trying to sleep," JJ mumbled. "Go away."

"JJ? What's wrong?" Hotch asked with concern evident in his voice. He pulled back the covers to reveal a thin, pale body. "JJ..."

"I'm so tired," JJ moaned, "let me sleep."

"It looks like you haven't eaten in weeks," her husband told her as he ran his hand along his wife's thigh. "You need to eat. You can't just sleep."

"But I'm so tired," JJ said. Her voice was slurred; she sounded drunk.

"Up," Hotch said as he grabbed her wrists. Anybody could see he was angry and confused at the same time. JJ had only ever done this once before. Why was she suddenly doing it again?

"I wanna sleep," JJ said angrily. "Leave me alone."

"Are you depressed?" Hotch asked with all seriousness in his voice. "Your medication is downstairs in the cabinet. You need to get better."

"No," JJ mumbled as she shut her eyes tightly. "I'm sad and I want to sleep, Aaron, please."

"I don't want to see you like this," Hotch said as he sat on the bed beside her. He stroked her legs and covered them with a blanket. He frowned at her figure and said, "can you please come downstairs and at least eat?"

"I'm not hungry," JJ said softly, pulling the covers up to her chin.

"Like hell you aren't," Aaron replied. "JJ, you need to eat. Come on, you know how sick you get after not eating for an hour. You need to eat."

"You're my boss at work, not at home," JJ said quietly back to him as her eyes closed. "I'll eat when I want to."

"JJ, Emily wants to see you," Hotch told her. "She'll be gone next week and I think she's what you need right now."

Jennifer's eyes fluttered open and she attempted to sit up. She sighed heavily and ran her left hand through her messy hair.

"If I eat, will you leave me alone?"

"That's all I'm asking," Aaron said softly, pushing his wife's baby hairs out of her face. "Tie your hair up and get dressed and come downstairs and I will make you something to eat."

"Okay," JJ said with a small sigh.

"You can eat and play scrabble with Emily if you like," Hotch said, pulling the covers down so JJ could get out of the bed. "Take your time. We'll be waiting, okay?"

"Yeah," Jennifer said, moving her legs slowly off of the bed. Her bare feet hit the wood with a thud and she winced in pain. She tried pushing herself off of the bed but to no avail. "Help me," she said quietly as she put her arms up. Hotch took them and pulled her up gently. She was only wearing his sweater, his big sweater that she loved so much. Her legs were so thin and pale and it was very obvious that she hadn't eaten in a while.

"JJ," Hotch said as he helped his wife to the ensuite, "take it easy, yeah?"

"Yeah," JJ said with a nod.

With that, Hotch left the room and went downstairs. Emily was sitting on the sofa, setting up a game of scrabble.

"How is she?" The brunette asked.

Hotch sighed. "I think she's depressed again. I called her doctor this morning, and he said it was normal, given our situation, but he didn't think it would be so severe so quickly."

"I wish there was something I can do," Emily told her friend. "Is there anything I can do?"

"She'll probably want to sit with you and talk later," Hotch said. "She likes that. She used to sit with Grace and cuddle with her. I don't know how close you can get with that, but I think it's worth a try."

"Is she coming down?" Emily asked.

"Yeah," Hotch said. "I told her to get dressed and clean up and try and eat. I'm going to make food. It'll probably be dinner, since the boys are all doing stuff and won't be home until eight or nine. Do you want anything?"

"I'll make it myself," Emily said. "You've done enough for me these past two weeks. I don't want to be a burden."

"It's just the three of us here, Emily, you're not a burden. You've helped us out tremendously, we can't ask for more. I'll make the food."

"Are you sure?" Emily asked.

"Yes," Hotch said, taking a pan out of the drawer. "I always take the long cases because I sometimes worry about her, and she has to take care of the children. It's nice to help her out a bit, I think she gets overwhelmed. I don't blame her, she's extraordinary, but sometimes it just gets a bit too much, and I get that."

"Hopefully she comes down soon," Emily said as she sat on one of the bar stools that lined the island. Hearing footsteps coming down the stairs, she said, "speaking of her."

JJ walked into the kitchen and rubbed her eyes. Her face was sunken in and pale with blemishes and stress spots. She looked awful to say the least. Her hair had been brushed and tied up and she had put on some yoga pants and a white t-shirt. She sat beside Emily and said nothing.

"You can play scrabble with me later, JJ," Emily said softly as she watched Hotch put noodles into the pan he'd set on the stove. He filled it up with water and turned the stove on.

"You've had almost twenty hours of sleep," Aaron said, turning around to the two women sitting at the island. "Jen, something's wrong."

JJ sighed and looked down. She didn't want to talk. She wanted to be alone. She wanted to sleep and cry. She was so damn tired.

"JJ.." Emily started, leaning closer to the blonde.

"I'm fine, Em," JJ said. She almost sounded normal. "I'm just a bit tired."

"Okay, well, can we rule some things out?" Hotch asked, leaning on the island. "Are you hungry?"

Jennifer shook her head.

"Throwing up?"

Another shake.

"Pregnant?"

JJ lifted her head and shook it slightly.

"Stop," she said.

"No," Hotch said to his wife. "I wanna know what's wrong."

"Leave me alone," JJ said softly. Anybody could see she was in a mood, but it didn't look like she wanted to yell, nor was she able to.

"You have clinical depression," Aaron said. He looked ready to fight, he really did. He wasn't much of a tempered man, but he got frustrated with his family when they had seemingly solvable issues.

"Must've had it all my life," JJ replied quietly, playing with her fingers. "Don't remember feeling any different."

"JJ, you're fine most of the time. Everyone has bad days, and you're acting like you don't know that."

"Our daughter's missing," JJ mumbled. It was clear enough for everyone to hear it.

"Why can't you let Emily and I help you?" Hotch asked, ignoring his wife's previous comment.

"I want Grace back," JJ said nonchalantly, staring at her hands. She began to play with her wedding band as her friend and husband spoke.

"JJ, we can help you," Emily said. "We can go and get coffee and talk if you'd like. We could go to the coffee place you were telling me about."

Jennifer didn't answer.

"That's your problem," Aaron said, now clearly annoyed with his wife. "You never let anyone else in. You shut us out and curse at us for not caring. I can't do it anymore, Jen, I need you to be open and honest."

"I hate myself, too," Jennifer responded. She sat at the counter for a few more moments before saying, "I need to go back to bed now." She got up and walked out of the kitchen. Emily and Aaron turned around to see her dragging herself up the stairs, eager to get back in between the sheets.

* * *

It was around four in the morning when Emily Prentiss awoke from her sleep to the sound of cutlery and china in the kitchen. She flicked on her bedside lamp and looked around. For a moment, she wondered who it was. She figured it couldn't be the children, so her mind went straight to Aaron and Jennifer. She pulled on a sweater and climbed out of the bed. The walk wasn't long from the main floor guest room to the kitchen. Emily made it into the main part of the house in ten seconds and saw her best friend sitting in the breakfast nook with a bottle of wine.

"Hey," Emily whispered, causing the blonde to jump.

"Emily," JJ said as she stuck the cork back into the wine bottle. "I didn't hear you."

"This isn't right," Emily said as she sat down across from her friend. "You can't just drink."

"This is my house, I can drink what I want," Jennifer snapped, gripping the wine bottle. "Go back to bed."

"Why don't _you_?" Emily said softly. "I want the best for you, JJ, you're my best friend. I know you're hurting a lot right now, but I don't wanna see you like this. And neither does your husband or your kids."

"I can't help it," JJ said. "I can't not be sad."

"You know it's possible, right?"

"No," JJ said, shaking her head.

"Well, it is. Aaron and I can help you. Can you please not drink any more wine?"

JJ nodded. "I wasn't thirsty anymore, anyway."

"Water is the best thing to drink," Emily said. "And cuddles and hugs are the best things for feeling better. You have to get better. We're here to help you."

Jennifer sighed as she looked into her friend's tired eyes.

"Come on, JJ," Emily said, pushing hair out of JJ's face. "I don't wanna lose you."

"I want my little girl back," JJ said as she broke down into sobs. "I want Grace back, I want my baby back."

"Let it all out," Emily said, rubbing her friend's back. She hadn't cried yet and Emily was sure this was the worst of the worst. Or maybe it wasn't. Whatever this was, it was bad. This cry was obviously well-needed. "Just cry."

"I hate crying," JJ said through a choked sob. "It feels horrible."

"I know it does, JJ, but you need to cry," Emily told her friend softly. She stroked JJ's hair back and pushed the bottle of wine away. "Can you look at me?"

Jennifer lifted her head from the table and looked into her friend's sad eyes. She used her right hand to wipe her tears away as she tried to stop crying.

"Okay, listen to me. I've known you for almost ten years. Ten years, JJ. I've watched you become a mother and a wife and that makes me so happy. But this...this doesn't make me happy. You're not happy and that breaks my heart. I know Grace is missing, and I know how scared you are. I lost Sergio for two weeks and three days, once. Scariest weeks of my life. I looked high and low and one day, a neighbour said he had been in his backyard. Do you remember that?"

JJ nodded. "When I was pregnant with Henry," she said with a sniffle.

"Yeah," Emily said. "That's the closest I can get to what's happening right now, and I don't fully understand what you're feeling, but I know scary it is to lose touch with someone you really love, and I want you to get better."

"I wish I could, Emily," JJ said as she wiped her running nose. "It's just so hard coping with her being gone. Who the hell would take a child away from someone else? She's so screwed up!"

"I know, I know," Emily soothed as she smoothed over Jennifer's hair. "Do you wanna come over and talk on the couch with me?"

JJ looked down at the table and started to cry again.

"What if she's dead?" She asked softly.

"Hey, no, don't think about that. Grace has been a fighter since the day she was born, she'll be alright. Think happy thoughts," Emily said, getting up from the nook.

"Thinking happy thoughts is for kids," JJ said. "How can I think happy thoughts when there is so much hatred and injustice in this world? How can I possibly have faith–"

"JJ, please, come with me," Emily said, interrupting JJ.

JJ sat in the nook and swallowed thickly. She wasn't about to attempt to get up. She barely made it down the stairs and she almost didn't open the bottle of wine she'd had over half of.

"Let me help you," Emily said, sticking her arms out for Jennifer to grab onto. Her friend did as expected and they walked into the living room.

"Put the wine away, he can't know I've been drinking," JJ said quietly. "Please."

Emily nodded and helped her friend sit on the couch before she went to put the bottle of white wine away. JJ hadn't even used a glass, and that was saying something.

"He should probably know you've got a problem," Emily said. "Drinking will not make anything better, you hear me? Aaron would want to know so he can help you."

"He judges me," JJ said. "He doesn't cry, he doesn't get depressed. It's like Grace being missing hasn't affected him. How does he do it so well?"

"It's his way of coping," Emily told her friend. "He does things to take his mind off of it, while for you, it's the only thing on your mind. You just cope differently."

Jennifer rolled her eyes.

"It's so hard," she said. "It's so hard missing her. It's so hard waking up at four in the morning, only to realize you don't have to give her a blood glucose test. I wish it wasn't so damn hard."

"I know," Emily said. "I wish there were more things to say, but I can't find the words."

"Can you just hold me?" JJ asked, resting her head on her best friend's shoulder.

"Yeah," Emily said, putting her arm around Jennifer. She pulled her close and stroked her shoulder. "You'll be okay, JJ."

JJ closed her eyes and the tears continued to stream down her cheeks as her heavy breathing began to subside.

"I'm scared," the blonde admitted, grabbing her friend's arm with a deadly grip. It was like she was holding on for dear life.

"Be still," Emily said softly. "I'm here, I'm with you."

Jennifer continued to tremble, but it was at a lesser amount now that she was in her friend's arms. It was as though the world had stopped turning for a moment and all life had halted for just a few seconds. It was like the calm before the storm, except it wasn't calm. This was far from calm. Jennifer was the pastoral wind that greeted the trees, yet at the same time, she was the troubled waves that played a violent game with the sand. Emily was the child glaring out the window, waiting for the wind and the rain to perform a harmonious number that would woo the crowd, except she felt like nothing could please her anymore. Emily's thoughts stopped when she realized that her friend had fallen asleep. But even Emily knew that storms never truly settle.

* * *

 **I hope you liked this chapter. I find it quite moving and emotional, and I hope I captured the characters well. Leave me a review and tell me what you think! I would really appreciate it! Have a great day and remember to do your best and be happy!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's note: Sorry for the long wait! This started off as a difficult chapter to write, but as time went on, I found it so easy that I couldn't stop. I apologise for the awkward ending (I don't know, is it awkward?), as I said, I wanted to upload something. Here is chapter 10. This chapter is the one where we sort of see how JJ is doing as a human and as a mother who grieves differently than her husband. I hope this provokes thoughts and feelings, I quite like some of the little scenes. Enjoy and please leave me your thour hrs on how I emphasised JJ's pain.**

* * *

"Daddy, look, they're sleeping," Tyler said to his father as they approached JJ and Emily.

"Yeah, they are, Buddy," Hotch said. "Let's get breakfast and leave them for a bit, okay?"

It was Saturday morning and Tyler had just woken up with his dad. Ben was playing in the playroom and Henry and Jack were outside playing soccer in the melting snow.

"Are you and Mommy fighting?" Tyler asked as his dad helped him up onto one of the bar stools. "Is that why Mommy and Aunty Emmy are sleeping on the couch?"

"No," Hotch said. "Mommy's very upset still that Grace is missing and she needs some time to feel better."

"Can't you make her feel better?"

"Not always, Tyler, I wish I could," Hotch said. "But not everything works out the way we want it to."

* * *

JJ had slept on the couch for a solid six hours. Emily had woken up an hour before and made breakfast. Jennifer's eyes fluttered open and she looked around.

"Why am I down here?" She asked.

"JJ? Is that you?" Emily asked, peeking her head around the wall by the kitchen. She was holding a bowl of cereal. "You had a rough night, so we slept together on the couch."

"We slept together?" JJ asked in surprise. "Together? What? I was in my bed, we can't have."

"Not in that way, JJ," Emily said with a laugh. "You're funny. You really don't remember crying in the kitchen?"

"No," JJ said. "I remember taking sleeping pills because I couldn't sleep and then I woke up for some reason. I don't remember anything after that."

"That's weird," Emily said as she sat down across from JJ in one of the big leather armchairs. JJ sat up on the couch and covered her legs with a blanket.

"What happened?" She asked.

"I woke up at four in the morning," Emily began. "You were drinking wine in the kitchen. It looked like you'd drunk half a bottle. I talked to you a bit and you started crying, so I took you over to the couch and we fell asleep."

"You stroked my arm," JJ said softly, beginning to recall the night's events.

"I did," the brunette said. "And your hair. I stroked your back, too. Anything to get you to feel better and fall asleep."

"Where are the boys?" JJ asked, looking around. "Aaron doesn't know I've been drinking, does he?"

"No," Emily said. "Him, Jack and Henry are shovelling the driveway. Benjamin and Tyler are playing on Grace's keyboard. Everybody is okay."

"Okay," JJ said. She swallowed thickly and pushed her hair out of her face. "I think I'm going to go upstairs and get in bed–"

"Please don't," Emily told her friend. "Don't go back to bed. The boys are worried about you. Benjamin feels like he's lost his sister and the last thing he wants is to lose his mother as well."

"Ben needs to stop worrying," JJ snapped. "I'm upset. Let me be upset."

"JJ, please," Emily begged.

"I want to go to bed," JJ said. It was like she were a child. She was acting rather childishly, if Emily were being honest, but she knew her friend was hurting.

"Jennifer, stop. Stop doing this to yourself. Stop putting yourself down. You do not deserve to feel like this," Emily told her friend. "You need to have a cup of coffee and come outside and get some fresh air. You need to tell yourself that you'll be better."

"You're not a therapist," JJ said. "You're...I don't even know."

"I'm a friend," Emily corrected. "And I love you."

Jennifer sighed. Why the hell did she drink? She wasn't a drinker. On occasion, she shared a glass with someone and even then, it was rare of her to finish. So why did she suddenly turn to alcohol? Was she becoming an alcoholic? She hoped not. She wanted to stop drinking for husband and their children, but it was so damn hard.

"Please don't go," Emily said. "Come and sit outside with me."

"What? In the freezing cold? Emily, it's February," JJ said with a straight face.

"Where do you want to go?" Emily asked.

"I don't know," JJ answered. "Do you wanna go out for coffee?"

"Yeah," Emily said. "Come on. Grab your coat. Do you want any help getting up?"

Jennifer nodded and put her arms out for Emily to grab. The brunette helped the blonde up and they went to the foyer to get their coats on. Hotch, Jack and Henry were just coming inside.

"Mom, where are you going?" Jack asked as he hung his coat up.

JJ and Emily exchanged glances.

"Uh, JJ and I are going to get some coffee, okay?" Emily said, slipping her arms into her coat.

"Dad was telling me he wants to talk to you about something," Jack said, looking straight at Jennifer.

She went blank and bit her lip. Emily stood behind her, holding her coat out so she could put it on. JJ slipped her arms into the material and zipped it up. She moved slowly over to the bench to put her boots on while Emily greeted Aaron at the door.

"Boys, keep the snow outside," Hotch said as he took his coat off. He turned to see his wife and friend getting their coats and boots on. "Where are you guys going?"

"We're going for coffee," JJ said. "We'll be back soon."

Aaron walked through the foyer until he got to his wife. He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek and stroked her hair.

"Take it easy though, yeah?" He said, helping her up. JJ nodded.

"We'll be back for lunch," Emily said, opening the front door. "See you."

* * *

Emily drove through the streets of Washington, DC, with Jennifer by her side in the passenger seat.

"The weather's not as bad as it was earlier," Emily said quietly as she turned out of the neighbourhood. When you turned out of the Palisades, you drove along the Potomac River, which was a really nice road. It lead you to the rest of the city.

"Stop with the small talk," JJ croaked. It was like she was getting over a cold, except the only cold Jennifer felt was the one in the cavity of her rib cage.

Emily stayed silent for a moment. She kept her eye on the road and continued heading towards the marketplace.

"JJ," Emily started.

"Turn left here," Jennifer instructed. She looked out of her window and watched the trees and cars and buildings as they passed.

There was more silence. More trees passing. More birds. More water. More buildings. More people. It was like a cloud hung over their heads. Jennifer seemed to ignore Emily. She did that. A lot of people don't understand it. Sometimes, you just need a day to yourself. That's all. But everything is made too complicated these days.

"Hello?" Emily said. Emily didn't like being ignored. She figured Jennifer was thinking or talking to herself in her head. "Talk to me."

"How easy do you think it is to drown?"

The car went silent. Emily swallowed thickly and gripped the wheel until her knuckles turned white. She looked at her friend when she pulled up to a traffic light and her jaw dropped.

"Why?" She asked coldly. Now she was getting annoyed. This wasn't the Jennifer Jareau she had come to know and cherish so dearly.

"Just wondering," JJ said softly, playing with her wedding band. She looked up at the traffic light. "The light's green."

"I see that," Emily said as she rolled her eyes. "You're shutting down again, you know."

"Mhm."

The brunette sighed as she approached a set of signs near DuPont Circle.

"Where do I go?" She asked.

"Straight," Jennifer responded as she made a quick glance out of the front window. "Turn right at this intersection."

"Why'd you shut down?" Emily asked. She was pissed off. Really pissed off. It was one thing to be ignorant, but to completely shut down? No. She wouldn't have it. She was mad. Mad that her friend couldn't find her daughter. Mad that depression had taken its toll on her yet again. She secretly wished she could slap her into getting better, but Jennifer Jareau was probably the most stubborn person she'd ever met.

"I'm thinking," JJ said, again with her scratchy voice. "So, how easy do you think it is to drown?"

Emily gripped the wheel once more.

"Easy," she said unsurely. "I guess. I mean, you'd be uncomfortable, but your body would give out eventually and the water would consume you."

"I thought about it," Jennifer said quietly as Emily turned right at the intersection. "Like, it crosses my mind once in a while." She corrected herself when she saw the look on Emily's face.

"Okay," Emily said skeptically.

"What, you don't believe me? I'm not allowed to ask you a question?" JJ asked.

"It was a strange question," Emily said. "That's all."

JJ had pointed out the new cafe and they pulled up to it. JJ got out of the car on her own, with a little bit of trouble, but all was well. She was always a very physically strong woman, except in the past few weeks, her body had destroyed itself. She was stick thin and pale and her energy had been drained. She walked with a faint limp and she'd stop and hold onto things because she got light-headed often.

"Do you need help?"

"I'm okay," JJ said with a weak smile. She stepped onto the sidewalk and stabilised herself before approaching the cafe. She looked like a toddler who had just started to walk.

The women walked into the cafe together. There were a few people enjoying Saturday morning coffee scattered throughout the venue. JJ tried to refrain from walking slowly, so she picked up the pace and Emily noticed. A few people turned to look at Jennifer, who was pale and ill-looking.

"What do you want?" Emily asked, taking her purse out.

JJ swallowed and grabbed onto the till as she spun around.

"I forgot my...my...purse...in the car," she said. The barista looked between the women.

"Are you okay, ma'am?" She asked.

"Yeah," JJ said with a nod. "I'm a bit..."

"Must be the flu," Emily said quickly.

"Have you decided what you want yet?" Asked the barista.

"Yeah," Emily said. "Just a brewed coffee, please."

All eyes went to Jennifer. She swallowed. This really wasn't the place or time.

"I'll just take a...uh...a coffee frappuccino," JJ said quietly. Emily had to repeat her order. "I'm just gonna...I'm gonna sit down." She said.

"Your friend okay?" The barista asked as the person behind her began to prepare their order. "She looks a bit ill."

"Yeah, she's sick," Emily said, turning back to JJ, who had her head rested on the table. "She's not in a good place right now."

"That's not good," she said sympathetically as she rung up their order. "Take good care of her, okay?"

Emily nodded. She hated how happy the barista was, considering there was so much hurt and pain happening in the world. There was a little girl missing and she was smiling. Who does that?

"Here you go," the other barista said as he handed Emily two drinks.

She carried them over to the table where JJ was and set them down. She lifted her head and squeezed her eyes shut.

"I'm getting a migraine," she said, one hand on her forehead. "I've gotten these a lot lately, don't worry."

"People are very concerned about your health," Emily said to her friend. "Can't you see?"

"I can't even tell anymore if there is something wrong," JJ said. "Please, be quiet, I can't think."

Emily took a sip of her coffee and put it down. She would comment that it was really good, except she wouldn't want to cause her best friend an even greater headache. It was silent for a little while. JJ pulled her head up from the table and rubbed her tired eyes.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I know I'm hard work."

"You're in a bad place," Emily said sympathetically. "I just think you need to realize how many people are willing to help you. Your boys want to help, your mom, Sean...me."

"Him," JJ said. "Aaron."

Emily nodded. "You've been pushing him away."

"I don't want him to help me. I'm not helpless," JJ said quietly, though she sounded rather angry.

"Nobody's helpless, but sometimes you just need a little bit of help," Emily said with a frown. "Unfortunately, it's this. I wish you could see yourself."

"I stopped looking in mirrors last week," JJ mumbled as she held her head up with her hands. "Didn't need to be reminded of it."

"JJ," Emily said sadly, grabbing her friend's hand. She squeezed it and sighed gently. "You're in a bad place, I know."

"Help me stop feeling like this," JJ said quietly. "Take all of my worries out of my head and let me go. I feel like a prisoner."

"Break free, JJ, just break free," Emily advised. "Stop trapping yourself and start freeing yourself. Start opening up. Do it right now. Tell me something."

"I've lost so much weight," Jennifer admitted, looking down at her extremely thin thighs. She'd always had a 'thigh gap', but she'd never had one this big. Nor did she strive for it. She was scared now. Being this thin wasn't healthy at all.

"You're sick," Emily said. "When you get better, you'll look a lot better and feel a lot better."

"I starve myself," JJ then admitted. "My dinner becomes somebody else's leftovers. I don't want to eat. It's not about weight, but I feel guilty about it."

"You have to eat," Emily said softly. "Whatever it is–"

"Pills," JJ said quickly as she grabbed her coffee cup. She took her first sip.

"How is it?" Emily asked as she picked up her own coffee cup. She had missed what her friend had said earlier.

"It's fine," Jennifer said with her croaky voice. "Wine tastes a lot better. It's nice, it makes you numb so you don't have to feel pain at all. Works wonders."

"Oh, JJ," Emily said as tears began to form in her eyes. "I wish you weren't in so much pain–"

"It's okay," JJ replied. "I can deal with it."

"But you don't have to," Emily said.

"Wine's great," JJ said, ignoring what Emily had spoken moments before. "It's so nice. I never used to drink a lot of wine," she was now twisting the coffee cup in her hands. "But I underestimated it. Emily, it's so good."

"You are out of your mind, JJ. It's so dangerous."

"But it takes the pain away and makes me feel happy for a few moments," JJ said.

"Happy can be found in more places than a bottle of wine," Emily said coldly, looking down into her coffee. She was contemplating ordering another one, but she had a feeling this trip wouldn't last long with her friend's unhealthy behaviour.

JJ didn't say anything for a little while. She started to hold her head and breathe heavily. Finally, after a minute of silence, she said, "my head hurts."

"Stop avoiding this," Emily said annoyedly. "You're avoiding a conversation." She grabbed her keys and purse. "Do you want to go?"

"Can you let me pay?" JJ asked. "Please?"

"I already did," Emily answered, standing up.

JJ sighed and stood up. She made sure she held onto the table for support. She grabbed her coffee before starting to walk out. Emily frowned as she watched her friend walk towards the exit. She walked as though she had a bit of a limp. It was sad.

"You two ladies take care," the barista said with a smile as JJ and Emily made it towards the door.

"You too," Emily said back as she held the door open for her friend. Pushing a door open was a daunting task for Jennifer, who could barely get out of bed.

Both women got in the car and put on their seat belts. They both put their unfinished coffees into the cup holders and Emily started the car.

"Thanks," Jennifer said softly. "I needed that."

"Huh?" Emily asked as she backed out of the car park. "What was that?"

"I needed to get out of that house," JJ responded. "Please don't take me back. They can't see me like this."

"We have to go back. That's your home."

"Not if Grace isn't there."

* * *

The afternoon came, and Jennifer and Emily had been home for a little while. JJ had made a tremendous effort throughout the day to stay out of her bed. It killed her to walk around and engage in activities she no longer enjoyed. She now stood in the kitchen, making cheese sandwiches for everyone. They were going to a hockey game later and everybody got hungry at hockey.

"Mama," Tyler said as he ran inside with his hockey stick. "Can you do my tape?"

"Can you ask Jack or Henry to help you?" JJ answered nonchalantly.

"They don't do it as good as you do."

"Well, right now, I'm making food, so you'll just have to ask Dad."

"You're no fun anymore," Tyler whined. "Ever since Grace went missing, you're no fun!"

The boy's words hit JJ hard. She hadn't noticed how much her illness had affected her children. Was it really that bad?

"Tyler, come back!" JJ called out with a weak voice. It was too late. He was already running up to his father, purple sports tape in his left hand. She envied her husband. He was the fun parent that the children were naturally drawn to. She was there, too. Why didn't the children like her anymore?

"Argh!" JJ cried. "Screw you!"

She looked out the window and Hotch, Jack, Henry and Tyler were playing grass hockey in the part of the backyard where the snow had melted. She could feel the rage burning inside of her. She felt unloved.

Packing the last sandwich away, Jennifer sighed loudly.

"Everything okay in here?" Emily asked as she entered the kitchen with a Kurt Vonnegut book in her hand. "I heard what Tyler said."

"It's okay, Em. He's mad I couldn't do his hockey stick tape."

"It sounded worse," Emily said. "He knows you're sick and he is frustrated. He just doesn't understand why you're sick."

"He's four," JJ said as she shook her head. "Ben knows why you're sick."

"No, he doesn't," Emily corrected. "I've had Ben crying into my shoulder some nights because he misses you and Grace. He doesn't understand. Nobody understands. I know you don't even understand, but you're the one who can change that, make it better."

"Ben's cried into your shoulder?" JJ asked.

Emily nodded. "He has. Many nights. He misses you a lot."

"But I haven't gone anywhere," JJ said, opening the fridge.

"You have, though," Emily responded, stepping further into the room. She watched her friend take leftover spaghetti out of the fridge. "You're invisible. You don't talk, you sleep all the time, I can barely see you, you're so thin. God, what the hell happened to you?"

"What do you mean? It's Grace. Emily, Grace is missing. I don't know what to do with myself."

"You're destroying yourself. Look at you. You don't eat, and when you do, it's pills or cheerios. When you drink, it's wine or extra strong coffee. You're destructive, you know that?" Emily felt quite terrible after saying this. "That's why Ben doesn't go to you at night. He's scared of you."

"Stop that," JJ said. She looked down at the spaghetti and frowned. "I can't eat this." With that, she put it back in the fridge.

"Ben is terrified of you. He came to me before he went to his own mother. What does that say about you?"

Jennifer looked down and shook her head. She stuffed her hands into the kangaroo pocket of her sweater and leaned against the counter.

"JJ?"

"I don't know," JJ said sheepishly.

"You need to make it up to Ben, to everyone here," Emily said, putting her book onto the counter across from her friend. "I know depression isn't your fault, but you need to open up to other people and let them know what's going on."

"Aaron might understand," JJ said quietly. "But the kids are all under twelve. They can't possibly understand."

"Jack might," Emily said. "I mean, it's an approachable subject, but you can't expect him to know exactly what's going on."

"Okay, well, how do I talk to a seven year old? Or four year olds?" JJ asked. "You seem to know."

Emily watched Tyler approach the door. He opened it and came inside and took his hat and gloves off.

"Why don't you try?"

JJ took a deep breath before calling her son over to her.

"Tyler, can you come here a minute?" She asked. The little boy slowly made his way over to his mother.

"What?" Tyler asked. Emily and JJ could both see that he was still a little angry.

"I'm sorry for being mean to you earlier," JJ said, bending down to his short height. "I was in the middle of doing something when you asked, so I said no."

"But you always say no! Ever since Grace went missing! You're no fun!" It was clear he was trying to get away. JJ grabbed him to keep him within her vicinity.

"Mommy is very upset that Grace is missing," JJ said.

"But you're always crying and I don't like when you cry," the boy said with a frown. "And you only talk about Grace now."

"I'm very worried about your sister," JJ tried to say before Tyler interrupted her.

"Is Daddy worried, too?" He asked. "Daddy doesn't only talk about Grace like you do, and he never cries."

"Daddy cries, just not in front of you," JJ reasoned. "We're different people, Ty. We experience emotions differently. Your father misses Grace dearly, but he doesn't like to show that. And I know it gets confusing."

"When can you be happy again?" Tyler asked. "Happy like me and everyone else?"

"Someday," JJ said, pushing a blonde lock out of Tyler's face. She pulled him to her chest and hugged him tightly. "When your sister is safe, I will be happy. I'm trying, Tyler, trust me," she said. "I'm trying with everything I have."

Tyler pulled away and jumped up onto a bar stool and leaned over the counter. He grabbed a banana and hopped down. He walked over to his mother and put the banana in her lap.

"A banana will make you happy," he said softly. "Bananas are Grace's second favourite food. I can't get you a peach, because you don't buy them now that Grace isn't here. But a banana," he paused to catch his breath, "a banana will make you happy."

"Thank you, Bubby, I love you," JJ said quietly, pressing a kiss to his temple. "Go and play now," she told him.

* * *

Afternoon came and everyone had gotten to the hockey rink. Henry had gotten ready and went with his team, while his family went to the grandstands to watch. Everyone was in sweaters. The occasional person had a coat on, but it was a rare sight. However, JJ sported a sweater, a coat, mittens, a hat, and a scarf. Her body had deteriorated so much that she felt nothing but coldness. She was sitting beside her husband, for the first time in ages, and she had little Benjamin on her lap. The small boy was occupied with a toy and barely paid attention to his older brother's game. Jack and Tyler were enthusiastic, though. So was their father. Tyler was on Hotch's shoulders, cheering for Henry and his team. They'd all yell and make comments whenever something happened in the play, and every time they did, it made Emily roll her eyes and laugh.

"Jen, are you seeing this?" Aaron said, turning around as he held onto Tyler's legs. "Watch number six."

JJ watched the hockey game and listened in on her husband's comments. Eventually, Ben had gotten restless and decided to get up and run around. In disagreement, Jennifer kept him close. She didn't want two missing children. He eventually resorted to sitting on the big food box they'd brought.

"Hey, can you watch Ben for a minute?" JJ asked as she stood up. She grabbed her purse and left the grandstand.

"Is she okay?" Hotch asked Emily.

"Not sure, do you want me to go after her?"

"Can you?" The man asked as he sat down with Tyler on his lap. He pulled Ben in beside him and put a blanket over them.

Emily got up and followed her friend out of the arena, all the way to the bathroom. She walked in and heard a sigh.

"JJ?" She asked, looking under each stall. Each was empty, except for one.

"I'm here," JJ said, coming out of one of the toilets. She put her purse over her chest and washed her hands.

"You weren't in there long," Emily said softly. "Is everything okay?"

"I thought I got my period," JJ admitted as she dried her hands on her thighs. She shrugged. "False alarm."

"Are you expecting it anytime soon?" Emily wondered.

"I haven't gotten it in three months," the blonde replied, looking up at her friend, "I thought maybe I was better again."

"JJ," Emily said quietly, putting her hand on her shoulder. "You'll get it back, it just takes time. Have you ruled everything out?"

"Yeah," JJ said as she looked down at her hands. "Aaron and I...we haven't...in three weeks."

"It's still a possibility," Emily said. "Always consider it."

"I know," JJ responded. "But I don't think it is. It's probably stress."

"Yeah, it probably is," Emily said with a nod. "Plus, you haven't eaten properly in almost two weeks, you've been drinking mostly wine and tonic, and you've thrown up. That's a good way to lose it for a while."

"I want it back," JJ said woefully. "I want to feel like myself again, like a mother."

"You'll get it back soon," Emily told her friend. "Let's go back to the rink. They're waiting for us."

"Okay," JJ agreed as she followed her friend out of the toilets.

"I am so proud of you today," the brunette then said, putting her hand on the small of her friend's back. "You're doing so well."

* * *

 **I hope you liked this chapter. I enjoyed writing it, so it would mean a lot if I got some feedback! I am trying to show JJ as somebody who is willing to show progress. She is doing her best to get better, believe me. If this chapter didn't showcase it, I don't know what will. But just because today is sunny, that doesn't mean tomorrow will be.**

 **Review!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: This chapter took forever to write! Huge thanks to AndreeaRaducan for lending me some ideas and advice! If you haven't already, go and read some of her fabulous and captivating works!**

 **Anyways, I hope you like this chapter. I've been told it's difficult to sympathise with JJ, so I tried incorporating more emotion. I don't know, tell me what you think. Also, could you all so me a huge favour and check out my other story, Twenty-Three Today's? There's currently only one new review. As much as I am thankful for only one review, I would really appreciate more. Getting no reviews makes me feel rather ignored, and I don't want to be ignored here, in my little world of writing.**

 **Enjoy this chapter and review!**

* * *

To say the very least, nobody expected Sandy, JJ's mother, to show up on their doorstep at breakfast time. She had her suitcase with her and she lugged it behind her with pride.

"Jennifer," she said softly, examining her daughter's thin frame. She leaned her suitcase up against the wall in the foyer and walked over to JJ with open arms. "What happened to you?"

"It's Grace," JJ said. "I can't do anything when she's not around. I can't eat, I can't move...I don't know how I'm supposed to be myself without her."

"I know," Sandy said sympathetically as she hugged her daughter. "Let's go and eat breakfast. Have you eaten?"

"Yeah," JJ said as she started to walk to the kitchen.

"No you haven't!" Tyler accused, coming into view as his mother and grandmother entered the kitchen. "Mommy never eats!"

"Tyler, eat your breakfast," JJ said with a stern face. "Stop talking."

"Jen," Sandy started as she examined her daughter's blonde hair. "You did this when Rosaline died."

"What, skip breakfast once in a while?"

"I don't think it's just once in a while," Sandy said softly, walking into the kitchen.

"Kids, grandma's here," JJ said nonchalantly as she rolled her eyes. She was not happy with her mother's presence at all.

"Don't start avoiding things," Sandy said in a cautious tone. "You avoid and avoid and avoid until it builds up, and then you explode and blame everyone else for it. So stop avoiding things."

"Great advice," JJ said enthusiastically. "Just tell the depressed person to lighten up. Yeah, mom, you're a healer! Look at you go!"

"Jennifer J–"

"Why are you guys mad at each other?" Henry asked quietly as he walked into the kitchen with his school bag. "Hi, Grandma."

"Henry," Sandy said with a smile as she walked over to her grandson and hugged him tightly.

"Why are you and mom fighting?" The seven year old asked.

"It's nothing for you to worry about, darling," Sandy said as she stroked Henry's cheek.

"He's my son," JJ said. "He deserves to know what's going on."

"Fine," Sandy said. "Henry, does your mother eat?"

"Not really," Henry admitted quickly. "Why?"

Sandy turned to her daughter and sighed. She was mad. Very mad. The fact that the children could see what was happening to their mother was even worse.

"Mommy gets mad when we say she doesn't eat," Tyler said quietly. He pushed his empty cereal bowl away from him.

"That goes in the sink," JJ spat.

"He is four years old," the older woman said to her daughter. "You put it away for him."

Jennifer's jaw dropped and she folded her arms. "No."

"Jen, are you five?"

"Do I still live with you?"

"Can you stop fighting for once?" Jack asked annoyedly as he reached the bottom of the stairs. He held his backpack in one hand.

"Mommy's mean," Tyler said, sliding off of the bar stool. "I'm getting Daddy to do my uniform."

"He's four," Sandy said with a shrug. "What can you do?"

"Seriously?" JJ exclaimed. She folded her arms and looked down at her feet.

"Oh my God, stop fighting!" Jack said angrily.

"Jack, don't use God like that," Hotch said as he came downstairs with Benjamin in his arms.

"Grandma!" Ben exclaimed. He quickly hopped down from his father's arms and rushed into his grandmother's.

"Everything alright here?" Hotch asked, sliding the month's bills off of the counter. "Doesn't sound like it."

"Aaron, you need to sort your wife out," Sandy said bluntly. "It is painful seeing her like this. Does she eat? Sleep?"

"Don't do this in front of the kids," JJ intervened as she leaned against the counter.

"Well, it doesn't look like you've kept this a secret," Sandy said, "considering Tyler knows about your habits."

"That's enough," Hotch said, standing up to his mother-in-law. "You need to cool down."

"But I–" Sandy began to protest.

"Jen, you too," he said, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I'll be back in a bit, just dropping the boys off at the bus stop."

"Tyler hasn't brushed his teeth," JJ mumbled, watching Henry run through the living room, towards the door.

"Five kids finally getting to you?" Sandy asked.

If looks could kill, Jennifer would be serving twenty-five to life. She took a deep breath in and pushed her hair back off of her face.

"Why can't you just leave me alone for once?" She asked. "Why do you always come here and bully me?"

"I am mad," Sandy replied in a serious tone. "I am mad that you're so sick. I am mad that you are acting this way–"

"Please stop talking," JJ cried as she held her head in pain.

"What?"

"Stop! Stop! Stop!" JJ shrieked, causing the guest bedroom door to fly open.

"JJ?" Emily said softly as he walked into the kitchen. "JJ? Oh, Sandy, hi."

"Hello, Emily," Sandy said.

"What's going on?" The brunette asked. She looked to her left and saw that JJ's head was on the counter and her eyes were closed. She lay a comforting hand on her back and rubbed it.

"What's this?" Sandy questioned, folding her arms.

"She suffers from migraines," Emily said. "You have to be more gentle with her. You can't just confront her, either. She's usually having a nap at this time, too."

"You know more about my own daughter than I know myself," Sandy said with a look of disappointment on her face. "Jenny, I didn't know it was this bad."

"It's depression," JJ mumbled. Her head was still on the counter. "Of course it's bad."

"You both need to talk," Emily suggested. "Okay, JJ, I'm gonna help you over to the couch now, yeah?"

"Okay," JJ said weakly.

"She's so thin," Sandy said to Emily. "Does she eat at all?"

"Mom, stop," JJ said firmly. She walked over to the couch with her friend's help.

They were now sitting in the living room, the three of them.

"Alright," Emily said. "I don't wanna be the mediator, but you two need to get on the same page."

"What's your take?" Sandy asked.

"My take?"

Jennifer had her head in her hands now. She took it out and looked up at her mother and friend.

"What should we do?" Sandy asked.

"Well, I'll start with you, JJ," Emily began. "You're having a really tough time right now, and you feel like the world is against you. That's okay. But there are people here, trying to help you, and you've gotta let them in."

JJ nodded and closed her eyes tightly again.

"Sandy," Emily continued. "I've been here for nearly three weeks. JJ has been crying, sleeping...that's all."

"That's all she's done?"

"She doesn't have the energy to scream like she used to. She is lifeless; so close to being admitted for an eating disorder. Look at her. She's losing her hair, she doesn't menstruate, she's–"

"You haven't gotten your period?" Sandy asked in shock.

"No, mom," JJ said desperately. "Not in months. I can't function anymore, and you're making it worse."

"I didn't know, Jen, because nobody told me."

"If I say I'm depressed, that should be a damn clear indicator as to how I'm doing."

"I didn't know it was this extensive," Sandy said. "Why do you let yourself get like this?"

JJ's head shot up and she looked over at Emily.

"Let's not assign blame," the brunette said. "JJ, how does depression make you feel?"

"Numb," was the only word JJ could muster. "Please, let me go back to bed."

"JJ–"

"Please, Emily."

"Your mother's here," the brunette said, offering Sandy a look of sympathy.

"Let her go," Sandy said, watching her daughter set off up the stairs. "Poor thing's probably overworked herself."

* * *

Jennifer stood shakily over the scale. She only ever weighed herself at doctors appointments; she never had much of an interest for her weight. Most of her free time was spent by running laps either around the neighbourhood or the local park. Still, she never cared this much.

Ninety-eight pounds.

Nothing happened. She didn't feel any emotion as whatsoever. She was numb and she felt isolated.

"Okay," she said to herself. "It's only a number. I'll gain it back."

The truth was, she didn't know she was losing this weight. It was never her intention. She truly forgot to eat most days. She slept when she wanted to and she was doing everything she could for herself.

Walking over to her bed, she sighed and pulled off her husband's sweatshirt with trouble. Her bare chest was bony and rigid and Jennifer covered it as though she were in public. She was ashamed. She crawled into the bed and pulled the cream covers over her.

There was a knock on the door.

"Stop," JJ mumbled as she covered her ears with her husband's pillow.

"Jenny?"

"Mom, go away."

"Jen, it's mom," Sandy said. She pushed the door open and walked in cautiously and looked around the room.

Clothes were everywhere. The blinds were drawn, the lights were out, and there were little things thrown on the ground; little things like shoes, a hairbrush, clothes, and empty plastic water bottles.

Kicking past the shoes and clothes, Sandy made her way through the large bedroom. She carefully sat down on the bed and put her arm over her daughter's outline in the sheets.

"How's it going, Bean?" She asked softly.

JJ wanted her mother to go more than ever. She was sick of being confronted every five minutes for things she couldn't control.

"I have a migraine," she mumbled. "Let me sleep."

"Look, Jenny, I'm sorry," Sandy said. "I'm sorry this is happening to you, and I'm sorry I can't do anything about it."

"Then why are you here?" JJ asked weakly.

"Aaron's been telling me how sick you are, and I didn't believe it until I saw you...Jenny, you look horrible."

"I know," JJ responded, keeping covered.

"What do you eat? I want to know," Sandy then said. "You look like you're a hundred pounds!"

"Please, mom, let me sleep," JJ went back to saying.

"Jennifer, stop avoiding this."

"I really have a migraine, mom, please–"

"I know you do, but you keep avoiding...whatever, Jen, you seem to enjoy being stuck in this cycle, right?"

JJ didn't respond, prompting Sandy to get up and leave the bedroom. When she went downstairs, she saw Aaron coming in.

"Do you guys need more chocolate milk?" Emily asked from the kitchen. She was standing by the phone, making a shopping list.

"As long as there's three cartons in there, we're good," Hotch said as he kicked his boots off. Him and Sandy both went into the kitchen and sat down at the island.

"Okay, I've got glucose tablets, milk, eggs, bread, cereal, crackers, ice cream, carrots, salad...what else?" Emily said.

"Cheese, ham, and broccoli," Aaron said. "Thanks, Emily."

"How was JJ?" Emily asked, looking up at Sandy.

The woman shrugged and studied her hands, trying to think about what to say.

"Same girl I raised. She's avoidant, dismissive–"

"Mentally ill," Hotch interjected in a stern voice.

"Right," Sandy said. "But she doesn't seem to want to get better."

Aaron Hotchner furrowed his eyebrows and folded his arms.

"She can't control it...?" He said, as if asking a question. "She's drained, Sandy. The last thing she wants is your insensitive attitude...she wants her mother. She wants a hug and a kiss and someone to stroke her hair."

"Think of it this way," Emily said as she dropped the pen on the counter. She hung the shopping list on the fridge. "When Grace is found, she will need someone to kiss her and hug her, and JJ will have to do that. But you have to do that for JJ first."

"You're right," Sandy said.

* * *

Jennifer stumbles a bit as she turns on the light in the living room. It's a rather big light; it lights up a good amount of the main floor. She blinks a few times and adjusts to the light.

"Grace?" She calls out weakly. She slowly makes her way to the music room. She could hear strange production on the piano. It sounded rather eerie and it freaked JJ out.

"Grace?"

She stops for a moment. The young girl is deaf. She peers her head around the wall and spots the small strawberry-haired girl playing her father's old piano. She stops. She turns around and catches her mother spectating.

"Mommy?"

Jennifer's stomach dropped.

"Mommy, go back to bed."

"You can talk?"

"Don't be silly, mommy," Grace said with her little giggle that everyone loved so much.

"Do you know sign language?" JJ asked cautiously. She stepped into the music room and took a seat on one of the small benches.

Grace shook her head and furrowed her brows.

"What's sign language?"

JJ didn't respond. She pointed to her ear, hoping it would give the girl a clue.

"What are you doing?" Grace asked.

"You can hear me?"

"Uh huh, mommy. You're silly."

The butterflies started fluttering inside JJ's stomach.

"Go back to bed, mommy," Grace said softly, turning back to her piano.

"No," JJ said. "No. I want to talk to you–"

"JJ?"

Jennifer turned around in fright. Her husband's voice resonated throughout the main floor. Lights began to turn on and she could hear his worried footsteps.

"Jen– oh, there you are. What the hell are you doing?"

"Grace is–" She looked back at the piano and her little girl was sitting there, only now she was turned completely, and her tiny fingers danced along the keys. "...here."

"No, she isn't," he said as he put his hand out. "Come back to bed, please," he told her softly. His offered hand remained out and JJ examined it.

"Grace, why can't I hear you?" JJ exclaimed angrily, grabbing onto the mahogany red wood of the piano. "Grace! Grace!"

"Save your energy," Hotch told his wife. "This is the most energy you've had since..." He stopped and collected himself. "Don't waste it."

"Grace! Grace!" JJ continued to cry.

"She can't hear you," Hotch said, going along with his wife's visions. "Tap her or play with her hair."

Jennifer nodded and began to cry as she ran her fingers through her daughter's honey-coloured locks.

"Turn around, Grace," she said frantically. She was now shaking Grace's small body.

"Go back to bed," Grace said calmly.

"Grace–"

"I hate you!" Grace screamed as she turned around. "Go away!"

"Grace," JJ said through tears. "Grace, it's mommy."

"Jennifer," Hotch said sternly, grabbing his wife's wrist. "Come on. You can't do this anymore. You need help."

"Stop!" JJ cried out. "Grace! Grace!"

"You're going to wake everyone up," Aaron said, pulling Jennifer away from the piano. "Come on."

"Shut up!" JJ yelled, shoving her husband away. With angry fists, she punched his chest and made sure he felt her wrath.

"Calm down," the man tried to say as he grabbed her wrists. "Let's get you back to bed."

"I can't leave Grace!" JJ exclaimed.

"Grace isn't here!" Hotch shouted at his wife. "You are seeing things! Go back to bed!"

"No!"

"GO BACK TO BED!"

Jennifer started breathing rapidly. She grabbed at her chest and stepped back and collapsed against the wall that separates the living area from the eating area.

"Bloody hell," Emily said as she walked out of the guest bedroom. She was rubbing her eyes and trying to adjust to the light. "What the hell is going on out here?"

"She's supposedly seeing Grace, I don't know," Hotch said, calmer this time. "She's having some sort of dream sequence, I think."

"GRACE IS RIGHT THERE!" JJ screeched in tears. "RIGHT THERE!"

Emily stepped in between the fighting couple and bent down in front of Jennifer.

"Okay," she said in a soft voice. "You're okay, you're okay. Just stay quiet and calm down, alright?"

She stood up and turned around to see Aaron crying.

"Hotch?"

"She's so sick, I don't know what to do," he said, wiping his nose. "I can't watch her destroy herself like this."

As if on perfect timing, the phone rang.

"Stop!" JJ cried as her hands found their place over her ears. "It's too loud!"

"Answer it!" Emily said.

Hotch ran over and grabbed the phone and answered it.

"Hello? Yes, this is him."

He nodded a few times and licked his lips. Suddenly, his face lit up and he ran his right hand through his hair.

"Thank you, thank you so much."

With that, he hung up and threw the phone onto the counter. He walked over to Emily and JJ and looked at them in seriousness.

"What?" Emily asked.

JJ lifted her head.

"They think they have Grace," he said shakily. "They know where she is."

"What's stopping them?" Emily asked.

"Grace is in there!" JJ moaned, dropping her head again.

"No, she isn't!" Hotch said. "Stop saying that."

Emily looked at him and shook her head softly.

"JJ, please come back to bed," he said, this time more calm than he had been.

"I can't leave Grace," she cried. "Grace needs me!"

"Grace will be alright," Hotch said. "We will see Grace again. Please come here."

JJ got up slowly and, with Emily's help, she walked over to her husband. She fell into his arms and he wrapped his body around hers, protecting her.

"Take her to bed, yeah?" Emily said.

"Yeah," Hotch said.

"Can I...medication...sleeping..."

"Sleeping pills?" Hotch asked, pulling away from her.

She nodded and removed herself from his hold.

"Yeah," he said, looking at Emily. She nodded in approval.

"I'll be in there," Emily told Jennifer as she pointed towards the guest bedroom. JJ nodded and set off to the kitchen.

"I'll be upstairs," he husband said. He turned off the lights and closed the door to the music room and went up to bed.

Now she was alone. She turned the kitchen light on and walked over to the medication cabinet. It was in the kitchen so it would be more accessible to everyone in the house. It had all sorts of medication, given the triplets dealt with many medical issues in the past. Looking at everything made her think of downing it all and ending her life, but she reached only for the sleeping pills that had been prescribed to her.

She was walking towards the sink when she spotted the red wine on the counter. She decided against it, for she was desperately trying to get better. JJ knew that once she started to drink, she wouldn't be able to stop. Downing the pills, she turned to the sink and ran a glass under it and filled it halfway. She glanced to her right and saw the bottle and thought to herself. One small sip to wash the pills down would fill her urge. Without further consideration, she dumped the glass and grabbed the wine bottle and poured a small amount into the cup. Washing pills down had never felt so wonderful. Jennifer washed the glass out and put the wine back in its place. It felt amazing to taste it again, and one more couldn't hurt, she thought.

Soon, one became ten, and she was feeling ill. Her thin, frail body limped towards the medicine cabinet. She opened it and grabbed her sleeping medication. Because of her health, her memory had become awful. Thinking became difficult as hell and migraines came all too often.

She didn't remember taking her sleeping pills the first time.

Two white pills tumbled out onto her left hand and went straight into her mouth. She washed them down with a glass of water this time, and made her way to the living room. She flicked off the kitchen lights and found the couch, where she would spend the rest of the night. She couldn't go upstairs. She didn't have the energy to. Nor did she want to see her husband. He had yelled at her. That hadn't happened before.

* * *

Not long after she had fallen asleep, she was awoken by a horrible sensation that made her feel like she was choking. She felt as though something were trapped in her throat. But what?

She couldn't make a sound, not even a moan or cry. She grabbed her throat and gripped it tightly as she tried to think about what to do. Tears were running down her face. She'd screwed up.

Then came the vomit. And the failed gasps for air. Another few attempts were made to relieve herself, and finally, she collapsed. She didn't care if she died or not. She was mentally ill and could barely function as it was. Every few seconds, she would cough up whatever was left inside of her body. What was left? She was now on the floor beside the couch, sweating profusely and trying to breathe.

Would she be there when Grace came back? Would she be allowed to look after Grace after this? Fear after fear kicked in and she knew she would never be the same again. Her husband hated her; he'd yelled at her and he had been angry at her for weeks now. The kids hated her as well; they barely spoke to her. She was always cold and upset.

She felt like she was trapped in a jar. She could see the outside, the green of the grass, the blue of the sky. Nobody would open the jar and let her fly free.

Suddenly, she felt very tired. She had been exhausted for weeks, but tonight, it seemed like she could finally sleep.

And so she did.

* * *

 **Author's Note: What did you think? I don't think I'm 100% happy with it, but you all deserved a chapter because I haven't updated in almost 2 weeks. Please review! Sometimes it feels like only three people are reading. It's such a horrible feeling.**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I don't know how I feel about this chapter. It started off great and then it turned to some rushed...what's it... I don't know. Anyway, it's my birthday! My Twitter gave me little balloons and I am over the moon! I am _butterflyjareau_ on Twitter, so go to my profile to see them! And, without having further ado, this is the chapter you have all been waiting for.**

* * *

Blue.

Her body was blue when he found her at five thirty two in the morning. At first, he didn't know what had happened, but one look at her surroundings told him everything. He didn't know exactly what was going on, but he knew it wasn't good.

"JJ?" He said as he turned her over. Her body was slumped beside the couch. Fluid and vomit surrounded her. He shook his head and picked her up slowly. Her body was so light that it didn't even pose difficulty.

"I should've stayed down here," he said to himself as he flicked on a light. He carried her to the bathroom and put water on her face.

"You better be breathing."

He checked her neck for a pulse and then he checked her mouth for air. She was okay. He moved her hair back and washed her face with lukewarm water. A million thoughts raced through his mind. Did she mean to throw up like this? What was she doing? What had she done to herself? He knew it had some involvement with alcohol; he could smell it on her. It wasn't even faint, either. It was terribly strong.

"No..." Was the next word that escaped his lips.

It was then when he realized what had happened. She'd mixed alcohol and sleeping pills, and the very first thing the doctor tells you when they prescribe such medication is: "don't mix with alcohol".

Maybe she hadn't realized. Or maybe she did.

"You're alright, you're okay."

His heart beat against his chest faster than it ever had. Sweat beads began to form on his forehead. He looked down at his wife and pushed her hair out of her face. For the most part, she was clean. He turned the tap off and flicked off the bathroom light. He left the room and carried her out to the sitting room again. She had choked and vomited, that was clear. He took a rag from the table beside the arm chairs and placed his wife onto the clean sofa. He began scrubbing the floor and making sure it was clean. It didn't take long. He had placed her in a position where she could breathe properly. Her airway seemed to be clear, and her breathing rate seemed to be normal.

He finished cleaning up what his wife had thrown up. It was alcohol, medication, and worst of all, stomach acid. JJ hadn't eaten in ages, and when she did, she couldn't keep it down for long.

"Okay, come here," he said as he picked her body up. "You're alright."

He turned the last of the lights off and proceeded upstairs with Jennifer's almost lifeless body. The walk up the stairs was tough, and holding JJ's light body made his heart very heavy. He reached the top, and when he did, he took a deep breath. He swallowed thickly and carried her down the hall, to the master bedroom.

"Here we go," he told her, gently pulling off her clothes. He slipped his sweatpants and sweatshirt off of her body. She began wearing his clothes recently, to hide how thin she was. They hadn't touched in ages, and to see his wife like this for the first time in a long time, he had no words.

"Oh my God."

The blue on her body was beginning to return to her regular colour. She still didn't look alright. Her hair was thin, falling out, and her eyes had dark circles under them.

Carefully, he covered her with blankets and climbed into bed beside her. It didn't take long for him to move over to her and wrap his arms around her frail upper body.

"Come here," he whispered, stroking her hair out of her face. "It's okay, you're okay."

Tears began to spill down his face, collecting on his wife's head as it rested on his chest. What had she done? What were they going to do?

"I'm so sorry, Jen. I'm so sorry."

* * *

"What the hell do you mean she overdosed?" Sandy asked in shock. She looked at Emily to her left and said, "did you know about this?"

The brunette shook her head.

"What did she look like?" Sandy followed up with.

"She had hallucinations last night...I think she saw Grace. She wouldn't calm down about it and we ended up screaming at eachother–"

"You screamed at her?" Sandy asked.

"Sort of," Aaron said, studying his hands. "I was so frustrated. Anyway, I scared her. After we sorted it out, she agreed to come back to bed with me, but she wanted to take her medication first. I don't like hovering over her–"

"You should've," Sandy said.

Hotch shot her a look and took a deep breath and continued.

"She never came back to bed. And at five, I came down and found her. She'd thrown up alcohol, sleeping pills, acid...so I cleaned her up and got her back in bed with me."

"How is she?" Emily asked.

"Sleeping, but I think she'll be okay."

"What about that service dog you're getting?" Sandy questioned. "Jen mentioned it on the phone a few months ago."

Hotch sighed and sat forward. "We're going to the seminar in a few weeks to meet him and get used to him."

"Without Grace?"

"No!" Hotch exclaimed. "We got a call last night, actually, and they believe they have Grace's location. I'm actually supposed to go over to the police station later to help out."

"She's okay...?" Sandy said unsurely as she folded her hands.

"Think so," Aaron said quietly. "Hope so."

* * *

With Sandy due to drive back to Pennsylvania in two days, everyone felt lucky that Grace had been found. They had all gotten into their cars at five in the evening to go and get Grace, who had been taken to the local police station. Hotch drove, with Emily being the passenger. JJ sat in the middle row by herself, while Jack and Henry sat in the back. Sandy drove her own car with Tyler and Benjamin in the back.

"Okay, boys?" Hotch said, looking into the rear view mirror. "Please don't crowd your sister, yeah? She might be a bit shaken up."

"What does that mean?" Henry asked.

"Like, she might be nervous to see you," Emily said. "Don't forget, it's been a month since she last saw you."

"But, we're her brothers!" Jack exclaimed.

"Please, just be gentle with Grace," JJ said softly, wiping her tired eyes.

"Okay," both boys said.

The drive had been mostly silent, and they pulled up at the police station fairly quickly. The boys jumped out of the SUV and held onto Emily's and Sandy's hands, while Aaron helped Jennifer out of the vehicle. Everyone went into the building and the officers immediately recognised them. They were brought to a room with many lights and a few sofas to sit on.

"Wait here one second," the officer said. He then slipped down the hallway.

"You okay?" Hotch asked Jennifer as he put his hand on her thigh.

She nodded and blinked slowly. "Yeah, I guess."

The officer walked in with Grace by his side and approached JJ and Hotch. He had tears in his eyes as he watched the couple crouch down to her level.

[Mommy!] Grace signed. A huge smile occupied her face as she threw her arms around her mother.

"Oh my God, Gracie!" JJ said as she began to break down. "Gr...Grace..." She stammered. "Grace."

Everybody stood around JJ and Grace and watched them hold each other. Grace then pulled away and looked at her dad.

[Daddy!]

She hugged him tightly and they stayed like that for a few seconds.

[Are you alright?] he asked her.

[Yes,] Grace replied.

She looked as though nothing had happened to her. Her hair was the same strawberry blonde as before, her height hadn't changed, and her clothes were the ones she was last seen in.

"Ben?" Emily asked, bending down to his level. She grabbed his hand. "Wanna see your sister?"

Benjamin had clearly been crying. Tears stained his cheeks and he kept on sniffling.

[Grace,] he signed shakily. He tapped on her and resigned it.

The little girl smiled widely and signed his name to him.

[I...missed you,] Ben signed. He put his arms out and pulled Grace in closely. [I missed you.]

[I missed you,] Grace signed back as they broke apart.

An officer came to the door. He smiled at everyone and JJ and Hotch went over to him.

"How is her health?" Hotch asked. He turned back to see Grace hugging her grandmother.

"Very low blood sugar when we found her. She ate candy, but she hasn't had a proper test yet. She is scheduled for an overnight stay tonight at the hospital, though."

"Is she...is she okay?" JJ questioned. "Is there anything that seems wrong?"

"Not that we know of," the officer said. "She seemed fine to us. The hospital can run tests if you would like further verification."

"Can we take her there now?" JJ followed up.

"Go right ahead. She's all yours again," the man said. "Good luck."

* * *

The ride home the next day was short. For the most part, Jennifer kept Grace quite close to her. The young girl slept for a large portion of the ride. Her time at the hospital went well and her blood sugar was brought up quickly. She was given insulin vials and a few notes that JJ would have to bring to multiple doctors. They hadn't spoken to Grace much since they reunited with her. She had chosen to sleep, and they didn't want to disturb her, but it was mostly because there was a lot of tension in the air.

"This is all because of us," Jennifer told her husband as she stroked Grace's hair. "It's not the kids, yet they have to suffer."

"We're all frustrated," Emily said. "But we've all gone through a lot to get to where we are."

"Can we not argue for one night?" Aaron asked. "At least until your mother's gone?"

"Yeah," JJ said with a sigh. "She's pissed at me as it is."

"She's upset," Hotch said.

JJ rolled her eyes.

They arrived home and got out of the car. Hotch woke Grace up and carried her inside, while Emily helped JJ out. Sandy made sure the boys went inside before stopping beside her daughter and her husband, who had come back outside.

"Jennifer," she said softly.

JJ turned to Sandy and bit her lip in nervousness. She was waiting for a screaming match, if she were being honest.

"Uh huh?"

"Take it easy," was all Sandy said.

JJ nodded and grabbed Aaron's hand tightly.

THAT NIGHT

"Aaron?" JJ called from the bottom of the stairs. Within a few seconds, her husband had exited the kitchen and met with her.

"Need help?"

Jennifer nodded softly and wrapped her arms around his neck as he picked her up. He carried her upstairs and put her down and helped her to the master bedroom.

"Bed?" He asked.

"Bath," Jennifer responded.

Hotch nodded and brought her into the master ensuite. He ran the bath and helped her undress. She held onto him as though it were for dear life.

"Come with me?" She asked.

"Let me tuck Grace in first, okay?" He said.

JJ nodded and Hotch went behind her and tied her hair up for her. After that, he helped her pour different scents into the water.

"Go and tuck Grace in," she told him. "Don't worry about me."

"You sure?" Hotch asked.

"Yeah."

"Please call me if you need me," Hotch told his wife as he left the bathroom.

He went upstairs to the attic and approached his daughter's bed gently. She was sleeping quite soundly. He climbed into the bed with her and wrapped his arms around her. He pressed a small kiss to her head and went close to her ear.

"I am so happy to have you here again," he whispered to her. "I am so lucky. You are the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen. You only deserve happiness, and I will try to give you as much as I possibly can. I missed you a lot, Gracie. I missed your laugh and your piano-playing, but most of all I missed your hugs and kisses and the way you smile when you enter a room. Goodnight, Bubby."

* * *

 **A/N: There we go. I don't know how to feel about this chapter. Part of me is glad it's over so I can focus on another aspect of the story, but part of me is disappointed in it. Maybe it's just me. But I'm telling you right now, it's not my best work, and I am not afraid to admit it. Anyway, feedback is welcomed and valued!**


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